White

I am sugar 

I lingered on your tongue

For one second (too long) 

(But I swear your bright eyes 

 Caught white fire)

I sifted through your fingertips 

Like a dusting of snow

While you watched 

You forget about me

(As I try to forget about you)

Author's Note

I know it may need some work, but I had to get it out.

Reviews

[Augustus]

Oh Hayley! What an absolute pleasure to visit you again. There is so much charm in this poem. So beautiful. So gorgeous. You truly have an exceptional gift. And I am not saying this just for the heck of it. I really mean it.

I am sugar
I lingered on your tongue
For one second (too long)

Too short, because it was so good while it lasted. But too long, because it did not stop you from falling in love. I think even if you hadn't written more this would have been a great poem.

"Your bright eyes caught white fire"
I see surprise here. And anger as well, or resentment perhaps.

"I sifted through your fingertips"
This is so delicate. And so natural. You just move away before you even realize what's happening....

"Like a dusting of snow"
Snow is ephemeral. It never makes a permanent impression. There is pain implicit in this line I feel. Very delicate and subtle. Very feminine, as someone below has pointed out.

Perhaps there is more to it, but this in my opinion is the gist of it. It's very evocative. I'm still a little dazed by the magic of the first three lines. You are not sugar, Hayley, you are gold!

God bless you! Keep penning!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

sensual and very, very intriguing..........

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Perhaps there are simply not enough words to express every one of the thoughts which inspired this poem, but what you have given us speaks volumes about what it feels like to love. I read this work and felt a void and felt as if there was a realm without form or shape. I guess its because as an artist I've always viewed white paper as the seed that gives birth to something beautiful. That gave me a lot of hope that beautiful colors of life will emerge and this void will exist in all of it's glorious potential. This poem really touched me. It is exquisite work.

[Richy Moon]

Needs more work. I personality can't see alot of feeling, but that may just be me. It is a good start, though.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I like it and see no extra work needed... So much is said within the few lines.. love and lost love.
Wonderful poem.

Chloe

[Mark D]

Had to come back and read this one again. Fantastic

[Raven Starhawk]

Darling poetry such as this is a fine example of purity. I am not sure if what I typed makes any sense but it was a good read.

[Pratik]

This is so thoughtful! The fact that your poem always conveys a deeper meaning underneath makes it all the more special to read your work! I think this poem talks about the temporary relationships that we form out of convenience in the fast lanes of lived.. we use each other and then choose to forget when it's over... without a look back.... this poem does a great job in challenging one's imagination.... thanks for the read :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Strong description open the door to thoughts and vision. I enjoy your poetry. Make me think. Thank you for sharing you amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Art Sun]

this is a short one and yet it has such a lengthy process to it...process of mind, does that sound right?...anyways a poetic expression that excells...nice work Haley...