Unbeautiful

Here in the sunshine
She wears the rays as a mask
And her playing eyes aren't honest, for once
Though she stares deep,
Willing they cover the rest of her yellowing body
Because today she can't afford a sundress-
But the sun in its integrity
Shines even still,
Lest she be unbeautiful.

Author's Note

Starting from scratch. Not completely happy with it.

Reviews

[Muse]

I think that often times that this is how "woman" feel in general. We hide our insecurites behind a broken smile. I could relate to this..on so many levels. And it is not scratch writing. This had class...elegance...and beauty. Your writing spoke to me deeply. High scores...

Muse

[Horizons]

You've defined i think a beauty a true soul of a girl who worries and get fear of not looking beautiful in sunshine but she's awesome because beautiful thinks always hide in a fear of getting steal by someone or spoiled by others. It's a great write, short beautiful piece of morning sunshine. Beautiful write.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and the mind becomes naked..unmasked...

and she worries she will be unbeautiful, but no...she is honest, she is real, she is open and unabashed...and that is beautiful in any light.

[Hayley]

thank you!

[Clockwork]

I like the concept us the sun for the mask. It is rare that we see a mask depicted as light, so I like that aspect of the piece. The lines about the sun dress are very nice as well. I would think about changing the word integrity in the eighth line. While it works there, I don't think it fully advances the meaning of the poem and capture the true nature of how your sun shines. Your sun had the ability to illuminate, to cover, and conceal. It is a pretty unique combination. You are into something here.

[Audrey Howitt]

I think especially today, I seem to relate to the yellowing body--beautiful write and spot on

[Patrick Henry]

Is she naked standing in the sun? EVERYONE would agree that this moment to see such a thing WOULD be beautiful to watch!! lol I love it. The few times I found solace that was birthed from a troubling mood, I would step outside. Even though I don't like the sun at all, it was comforting to feel and see the space between me and the sky, and to realize I had much much more room to move about then I realized. I think the poem is beautiful, Hayley!! xoxo -Mark

[Eric James]

this in a realy good write! i enjoy reading different types of take on things like the sun, leave,tress, and so on. this was interesting and very good! good poem, keep it up

[M.M.I]

I liked this poem. I was a little confused after reading because at first it says: '"she wears the sun as a mask." However, the feeling I had is that the sun was stripping her of her "mask." It seems like the character of this poem is broken down and so she allows herself to be a subject of the sun's rays with no contention. It seems as if she may have no room left to pretend so her true character is inevitably shown, broken down by the sun's rays; I can't quite tell what or if the sun's rays are a metaphor for something. All in all, a crafty poem and one that is original. Thanks for sharing.

[Patrick]

just about right i would say - for length, words and thoughts. This one demands a bit of thinking but not so much that it ruins the joy of reading - that I like and so with this poem.

[Moflo]

That is definitely an interesting take on the sun and I think you're onto something here. Definitely keep playing with it, good work!

[Bewitching Sensations]

very good.. I agree totally.. we hide behind a smile, when inside we are full of insecurities... :)