Pieces

I woke up slowly, taking the time to allow my eyes to find the light. The tingle began in my fingertips expanding to the rest of my limbs informing them that it was now time to get up. But I didn’t. Instead I reached over and grabbed the cup half filled with water, just the way I left it and brought it up to my dry lips for a long drink. My brain frantically searched for remaining pieces of my dreams. I tried to place them in order but there were too many holes and without a plot to string the images together they drifted away. This left me clueless to why my dreams had made me so upset.

Meredith entered suddenly, darting with purpose around the room. She picked up piled nightgowns and stacked dirty dishes. She opened the blinds and dusted the desk after carefully straightening the cluttered papers. I pulled my blanket closer to my cheek, exposing my toes to the cold air and rolled over, “Mere, do you need the sheets?”

“Not today Love,” she responded while continuing to arrange the scattered books around the room back into the bookcase.

“I’m not tired right now Mere. Can I help?” I said while letting a small yawn escape from my mouth. 

 

“Oh heavens no child!” she said while smoothing out the throw rug. “No help necessary because I am already done.” She stood up, smiled gently then came over to lean me up and fluff my pillows. “Have a lovely day madam,” she said and gave me a light nod. Then she turned and left the room with a click of the door.

I stood up and walked around the room; tipping the chair over, dumping out the hamper, and in slow, circular motions scattering the drawings on my desk. I took my time at the bookcase choosing two books to bring with me back to bed and meticulously placing four others around the floor. Retreating back to my blanket I tucked the books under my pillow for safe keeping. I was disappointed that it wasn’t sheet day because it meant she didn’t stay as long. Meredith’s movements around the room were like a dance. Watching her efficiency was a source of entertainment. Sometimes I would ask her questions to throw her off but I was never successful. She was a well-oiled machine, indestructible.

At what I can only assume was about noon Brain knocked at the door and then entered before giving me a chance to answer. “Why do you always do that?” I asked curiously. “The knock means nothing if you don’t wait for my permission.”

“It’s your warning,” He smirked. “That way I don’t see anything I shouldn’t.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “Even if I was doing something that is hardly enough time for me to stop. I think you secretly want to see but you want the knock as a safety net in case your poor timed interruption gets you in trouble.”

For a second his smile extended across his entire face, lighting up his pale green eyes. Then he remembered he was holding my food and set it at the foot of my bed, “So you do or do not want me to continue to bring you lunch on Thursdays?” When I smiled back he took his cue and started to unload the contents, “One enormous burrito with extra guacamole and no cheese for you and one delicious pile of perfectly ratio-ed chips and nacho cheese for me.”

We ate and talked for a while about a book I was reading, laughing between every breath. Brian is my favorite person on the planet. He has been my best friend since I was too small to even remember a world without him. There are few things that I am certain about but something I know without doubt is I love Brain with all my heart.  

In a pause between choking on our food from the constant chatter and giggling, Brian got a funny look on his face, “How you feeling today Sis?”

“I’m ready to conquer the world!” I yelled and threw my hands in the air, slower than anticipated because my arms felt very heavy. He started to grab the wrappers from our bed picnic but instead I pushed them on the floor, “Meredith will get it.”

He stood up and walked over to my side to give me a kiss on the forehead. He tucked my tightly in and rubbed my arm as my eyes fluttered shut. Having visits with Brain were a luxury but exhausting. 

When I awoke I was a little woosy. That burrito was big enough for two people and I had devoured it. I buzzed for Elliot and she entered with a smile already on her face.

“How is my favorite patient?” she beamed.

 “Can I have a bottled ginger ale please Elli?” I asked hoping she understood between coughing.

“Sure thing,” she said looking up to make eye contact while she continued to prod my body. She flashed me with another aggressive look of happiness and then continued her inspection.

“E I’m okay, just thirsty,” I winced as she stuck a popsicle stick down my throat.

“Of course you’re okay, everything is going to be fine,” she said still stretching those cheeks. I hadn’t known Elliott for very long but I had learned from practice that fine never meant anything good. She was still under the impression that I hadn’t cracked her code because she said fine to me every day. “I will be right back with Doctor Arnold and that ginger ale,” she said with a final goodbye grin and left promptly.

I read two chapters in my book before Doctor Arnold slithered through the door. I sat up quickly and pulled the blanket tight around me like a shield. I didn’t like Doctor Arnold and he was fully aware of it.

“Just get to whatever your point is Doc, you are interrupting a good part of my book,” I said without looking up from the page. He sighed loudly while picking the chair up from the floor and dragging it to the side of my bed, keeping the distance at a measurement he knew I preferred. 

“How was your day?” he said sternly; all obligation and not an ounce of genuine concern. I gave a him a brief summary making sure to compliment the great job Meredith and Eliiot were doing. I liked them enough, if at the very least for amusement purposes and I didn’t want to get re-accustomed with any staff changes. I finished by mentioning my lunch with Brian and there it was, a typical Thursday interaction for me and Doctor Arnold. After I finished he looked down at his clipboard for a long moment.

“Your treatment isn’t working,” he said bluntly, “Your Schizophrenia has only gotten worse.”

He leaned forward to touch my arm. It burned.

Clouds suddenly flooded my vision. They became heavy and heavier turning darker grey, warning for the storm. I squinted across the room seeing Elliot standing tall next to Doctor Arnold's side with a gentle smile I was unfamiliar with. Meredith was lurking in the doorway, peering at me with large sad eyes. Brian stepped in from the hallway and placed a comforting hand on Meredith’s shoulder. The clouds were shaking now. Brian made eye contact with me and lightning struck, leaving only blackness.

I woke up. Frustrated because I had forgotten my dream again but more consumed with fear for not knowing why I was so upset. All I knew, was that I was alone with fragments of reality floating around me.