The Other Woman

Sometimes we get in our own way by only seeing through our own perspective. By truly being honest with ourselves and our emotions that perspective opens up to reveal clarity.

It felt so good to touch his skin again, to feel his warmth. We were wrapped up in each other in the dark but I could see everything perfectly clear. Our tangled fingers were grasping lightly as we drifted into sleep. It was the best night’s rest I have had in months.

            He woke up before me, as usual. As if we were back in time, as if all these months hadn’t passed where we were a part. He stood up and got dressed, gathering pieces of his clothing from around the room. I was exhausted but at the sound of his movement I peeked one eye open so that I could watch him. This wasn’t a dream or a fantasy, he was physically here. It was still dark and I was floating in out of sleep so it was easy to pretend our night together wasn’t over. This came to an abrupt halt when he leaned in and gave me a single kiss goodbye. The door shut before I was able to piece together what we had just reclaimed from the night before. He was gone.

            A few hours later I woke up with a bad case of the shakes and a screaming headache. I forced myself to stand up and slowly inch towards the bathroom. I took a long look at myself in the mirror, thankful that he left while it was still dark. My eye lashes were sticking in clumps due to yesterday’s mascara and my lips were a deep chapped red. My hair was matted in loose bun on top of my head but before I could make an attempt at untangling the beast I was on my knees dry heaving into the toilet. Note to self: Drink a full glass of water next time before passing out with a stomach pumped with alcohol.

            This thought stopped my cringing abs. Next time, would there be a next time with him? Was this a new beginning or a final farewell? If I am honest with myself I didn’t want the answer.

            Chris and I broke up almost 6 months ago. It was a clean break which was necessary considering we work at the same company. We are in different departments located in separate buildings so I don’t see him unless I am looking to. We knew after the split that occasionally there would be a run-in the hallway and in an undiscussed preparation we mastered a polite exchange of smiles and a hello. About four months ago we got drinks after work to catch up, not the wisest decision I know but my desire to spend time with him overruled my judgment. I’ll admit it was easy, like putting on an old favorite worn t shirt. It wasn’t the same fresh fit as the day I took off the tags; it was different but still comfortable. We spent the entire time laughing and ended the night with a soft side hug, keeping the boundaries defined.

            After that night I occasionally would eat lunch with him on days when I needed to step away from my work load. There was some truth to this but mostly it was my excuse. These visits have gradually become more frequent and in this last month I have made a visit to his office almost every day. The scariest part is the absence that consumes me on days when I don’t get my Chris fix. I have become completed addicted to my favorite part of my day.

            My coworker Solana thinks it’s the chase I am attracted to, the “Want-What-You-Can’t-Have” complex. She is a close friend and like the big sister I never had. I know she is looking out for me but what she doesn’t understand is his personality is what reels me in. Not being able to have him completely is really my torment. Since we broke up I have casually dated a couple different men and they are great guys but eventually they fizzled out. When it comes down to it I would rather spend 20 minutes with Chris then 3 hours on a date with somebody else. My brain works in equations and the logical conclusion points to my appreciation in the lack of time I get to spend with Chris versus the sum of time I would spend creating strategies to increase our interaction. I’m not expecting or hopeful for a future with him but I am not against being pleasantly surprised.

            I could give you a full detailed description of Chris on everything I know about him and it wouldn’t do him justice. For example, he hates both bananas and avocados and makes a compelling argument about how they taste exactly the same. If I read this fact on a dating profile I would find it a strange character flaw especially because those are two of my favorite foods and in a blind taste contest I would achieve gold at separating the two. However Chris’ solution to this problem works out perfectly when we eat together: extra bananas and avocado on everything for me courtesy to taking it off his plate. I know it sounds silly to build an attraction on someone based upon fruit but this is just one of the many reasons why he is so unique to me. We never have a boring moment.

            This isn’t one of those love stories where every quirk is somehow amazing to me and we complete each other like puzzle pieces. We have our complications, one of them being that we got involved briefly after he went through a break up. I know as a woman I was supposed to go secret agent status and do some digging to find out their story but when he told me that he was over it, I took his word and never approached it again. That is, until he sat me down one day and told me he still very much had deep feelings and would be pursuing a way to make it work with her.

At first I was angry, furious even. It wasnt until after learning that he hadn’t spoken her at all during the duration of our relationship and waited almost a month after our separation to reach back out to her that those feelings quickly transitioned into hurt. Anger was easy but this new emotion was much harder to process. I know I have no control over the baggage somebody carries with them but I am competitive by nature and couldn’t shake the feeling that I was second place and was rewarded with a participation trophy. The saddest part of all is I genuinely desire for him to be happy even it is with somebody else and at my expense. Although that was much easier when I thought he didn’t care about me, after last night I don’t really know anymore.

It’s easy to blame her, this person who I have never met. The one who stripped the first man I truly cared about for being exactly who he is. This other woman who stole my man that allowed me to be the best version of myself. However, after last night the values in this equation changed. C plus me divided by her no longer creates a negative. Instead I am the negative that helped a man who made a clear decision cheat on his girlfriend. I am the value that doesn’t belong in the equation. I’m the other woman; a hurdle in their love story.

Author's Note

This is a rough piece that I wrote in about 2 hours. Anything constructive I accept with an open mind.

Reviews

[Dancing_Elixir]

Its like you have taken a page out of my life, I have been there... Pretty recently. I was "the value that doesn't belong in the equation. I’m the other woman; a hurdle in their love story." The difference was that he wanted to continue on with both she and I at the same time while he made his mind up... While I did toy with the idea of continuing the affair, ultimately I realized that I was better than someone's great escape, and have started to break away from him. Luckily, and somewhat divinely, someone found me through all of this and he seems to be everything I thought the other guy was.

One thing, I'm not sure what a "C plus" is or if it is a typo in this sentence: "C plus me divided by her no longer creates a negative."

[H.Michelle L.]

I'm glad you could relate to it! I thought it was a nice way of looking at the other perspective of a cheating relationship. It's not justifying the actions just explaining the motivation.

The "C plus me divided by her no longer creates a negative" is a pun on a math equation. In algebra they use letters as a value and I chose the letter C to represent Chris.

[Dancing_Elixir]

Gotcha. Mine had a nickname too. I'm glad that you wrote from the other side's perspective, it's a story rarely told. The motivation for such a person is rarely vindictive I think.

[Everett DeValle]

A really deep and thought provoking story...I loved it for its realism and it's beautiful honesty...the closing line wrapped your story perfectly...Thank you for sharing.

[H.Michelle L.]

I really appreciate you taking the time to read it!

[Everett DeValle]

You are very welcome...I very much enjoyed reading your story. :)