Justice moves to Maine

Sherriff Justice moves to Maine and finds trouble.

        Spring time here in Maine. The trees are showing the signs of life with the little green buds. Birds are singing, the young fawns play in the meadows. The sun warms the land while it observes the renewing of the miracle life. Such a nice lazy peaceful Saturday, even with the sport utility vehicles zooming around the trails. Ah, Knox Country, Maine sure is beautiful. Our Sherriff is Buford T. Justice, loved by all and well respected.

The Ford 250XLT painted in the traditional black and white scheme. Dial 911 in bright yellow is displayed on the rear fenders. On the white door is the Sheriff’s six pointed star. A shining black brush bar, guards the grill and has a set of flashing blue and red lights. The light bar that rides on top reflects the bright sun light. Brand new and highly polished outside, new truck smell on the inside. Time for a test ride, plus it will let all those bad lads know the law is watching.

What happened that day you won’t believe, but it’s true.

            “Tell me what happened. Start at the beginning Sherriff.”

            “Last Saturday I was working on a report of a stolen JD,” Sherriff Justice starts his tale.

            It all started with the report number 13-4251 of a stolen John Deere XUV825, one of the newest JD’s out there. It’s fancy four wheeled off road buggy. A pair of driving goggles, plus three Opus X Destino Ultimo Black Lighter cigars at one hundred dollars each. I took the report and while entering the information into the computer, I heard a noise. Well the next thing I knew that JD flew past me shaking the trees and raking the leaves.

Turning the key, the Ford roared to life. Now to go and solve this case. I got to the point I could tail grab the JD. I then gave the stop command, flashing lights, and a siren blast. Still the JD sped away from me.

            “Radio, Sherriff Justice now in high speed pursuit of stolen JD vehicle.”

            “Copy, in pursuit of stolen vehicle,” came the reply back from the dispatcher.

            “One occupant, long hair, red-brown in color.”

            “Copy, units in route to assist,” stated the dispatcher.

            “So you engaged in a pursuit then,” Inquires the educated voice.

            “Of course I did, you chipmunk’s n****e. Now let me continue,” comments the Sherriff

            Turning onto Route Two, I managed to close the distance. This where I saw who was driving. It was Bigfoot driving like a F1 racer. Cigar in his mouth and he waved at me as he turned onto a logging road. Head to toe covered in that red-brown hair. Doctor, I am not crazy.

            “Sherriff Justice, you’re here to deal with this and understand you couldn’t have seen a Bigfoot?” Doctor Watson comments. 

            The good Sherriff lays on a soft brown leather couch. Next to him is the Doctor sitting in a nice comfy leather chair of his own with a notepad. The room has a big bay window and book shelves jammed full. Fern trees in two of the corners of the room brighten up the place. A highly polished oak desk sits on the other side of the room.

            “Please continue,” beckons the Doctor.

            “I was going to if you don’t stop interrupting me,” snaps Justice.

            Into the woods we went. My truck was holding up to the punishment of those logging roads. Bouncing up and down, shaking like a good Martini. Ten miles into the chase he does a bootlegger turn and gives me a rude furtive gesture. I locked my brakes up as I spun the truck around scraping off a tree. That’s another charge you moose’s hoof. I’m going to shave you head to toe when I catch you.

            Before my eyes he turned that corner onto Range Rd. up on to two wheels and gaining speed. Driving out into Merrill’s corn field, the violent bouncing up and down dislodged my laptop from its stand sending it crashing to the floor. Destruction of county property and yet another charge. Zig back and forth till we came to Lewis Brook. Now I got that fornicating baboon!

            “A brook. You must have him now, there is nowhere to go.” States the Doctor.

            “I said stop interrupting.” A stern reply from the Sherriff.

            The JD driven by a creature who does not exist jumps the brook, landing violently and speeding away again. I followed, pushing down on the gas pedal the engine roared when I hit the same spot. Air, yes I did it! They say flying is the easy part and landing the hard part. The Ford landed, bouncing up off the ground. That’s where the muffler stayed as I kept going.  But also I might have broken a shock.

            Now turning back into the woods, weaving through the trees. This is where my light bar was ripped from the roof by a low tree branch from an old oak. I lost more paint and added more dents to the body work. After twenty-five miles of high speed pursuit I see the JD smashed into a rock. I slammed on the brakes that worked enough to slow me down before I hit the JD. I forced open my door to go and arrest the beast. The smoke from the overheated engine and the smell of oil was in the filled air. He’s not here, where did he go?

            “So he got away from you?” chimed in the Doctor.

            “Wait for it, Doc,” stammers Justice.

            No, I found his big foot prints in the dirt. Following his track around a big pine tree, then SMACK. He must have hit me with a chunk of wood. While I was dazed he took my truck, leaving me with a busted JD and a cigar butt. I stumbled pass the oaks and the pine trees out to the road. My world spun a bit to the left since being used like a watermelon by Gallagher.

 I was picked up by a backup unit and taken to the hospital. They found my new truck, or what’s left of it in the Mill Pond upside down. The rear axle was missing and the front of the truck was crushed in. Even a Brook Trout fell out of it. My vehicle was a total wreck.

            What we are dealing with here is a total lack of respect for the law. Nobody makes Sherriff Buford T. Justice look like a raccoon’s wet nose. Now till I get medical clearance showing I am not crazy I can’t go back to work. So Doctor, are you going to sign off on me?

            “Sherriff we need to resolve the Bigfoot issue first.”

            The Doctor turns his head to look out the window

            “For the love of Pete!” blurts the Doctor.

            Now sitting up Sherriff Justice sees Bigfoot giving him a double bird flip off.

            Bigfoot is sitting on a bright red Ducati, Panigale super sport motorcycle, revving the motor. He then leaves a big strip of rubber and smoke fills the air as he speeds away, goggles still on and a fresh cigar in his mouth.

            “You fruitcake! I’ll get you sum-b***h!” yells Sherriff Justice.