Raging Hormones

It’s been about three weeks since our last episode with kissing. From that day it was like he couldn’t stop touching me. Couldn’t stop kissing me. There were times where I told myself it was okay. It was okay since it was him and we were alone. But then, there were times were I actually gave it some thought. Thought about our situation.

            “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” he finally asked. He walked to me and took me in his arms.

            “I’m just scared, that’s all. I knew it wouldn’t be your first time.” I said.

            “Yes, but it’s me Abby. Me. No one else.”

            I walked away from him into the kitchen. “You think I know that?”

            He walked into the kitchen as well. “I’m only sixteen, Anthony. And you just turned eighteen.”

            He finally walked away and started watching TV.

            About a week and a half ago, Anthony turned eighteen. I was so happy we got to celebrate his birthday. Together. We went out to dinner and watched movies at home. It was a very laid back celebration. And late at night, we got a call. I didn’t recognize the number. I started getting scared. Then Anthony picked up and seemed really happy. It was my parents calling him to wish him a happy birthday. It was lovely.

            After awhile they said good-bye and he fell right to sleep. It was really nice. Right before he went to bed, his brother called. I was listening on the other line…

            “How is it?” Brian asked.

            “How is what?” Anthony asked confused.

            “Being eighteen. You’re finally an adult! Ha-ha. How is that?”

            Anthony laughed. “It feels nice. I’m finally a legal adult. I get to tell people what I want within reason. As for the doctors I mean.”

            “Oh yeah, that’s right. I don’t need to tell you what to do.”

            They laughed. They talked about Brian’s school, his major, how classes are going. And then he asked Anthony how he was doing. I knew he wasn’t going to lie to his brother, his best friend. He told him the truth. How he felt weaker and weaker every day, tired, and how he just wants to sleep all the time.

            Brian sighed. “I’ll be home soon. Just one more semester and I’ll be coming home. One more semester and I’ll be done with college.”

            “Yeah, I’ll be happy to see you, man.” Anthony said. I knew what he wanted to say. I wanted him to say it. So he finally did. “Brian, you’re my brother, my best friend. You know that right?”

            “Yes, I do.” Brian said.

            “But I may not survive one more semester.” After Anthony said that, I could almost hear the wheels turn in Brian’s brain. Death. Anthony’s death. His little brother. Dead. Gone from the world.

            “I’ll come home next week. Ok?” Brian simply said.

            I saw Anthony. He shook his head. When he did this, I knew he was shaking away the tears. “No, no Brian. Finish your semester and then you’ll come home. I’m tired of people throwing their lives away because they want to help me. You should understand Brian, you can’t help me anymore. No one can’t. I hope you know that. So, finish your last semester at NYU and then come home. I have Abby with me. Even though my life is ending, don’t end yours.” He meant that Brian shouldn’t stop going to school. He wanted to know if Brian understood. “Brian, do you understand?”

            He sighed. “Yes, I do understand. I do.” After he said this, I could’ve heard a grin on his face. “How did you become so mature?”

            I saw Anthony smiling. “I had a great big brother show me how to grow up.”

            “I’m glad I was of help. It’s two in the morning over here. I’ll talk to you soon ok?”

            “Ok, Bri. I love you man, I do.”

            “I love you too, Anthony. Bye.”

            After Brian hung up, I ran to the bed and pretended I was asleep. Anthony came to bed and he was just looking out the window thinking about their conversation.

 

            I remembered how one time I came home from the grocery store and he was on the couch watching TV. He came up to me and kissed me.

            We started making out, one thing led to another and we were up in his room. But I stopped him before things got too far.

            “Oh my God, baby girl.” He shook his head and he took me in his arms. “You’re driving me crazy. You know?”

            I got out of his arms and went downstairs to find my shirt. I put it on and started putting the food away. “I’m sorry. Really, I am. It’s just I’m sixteen.”

            “Ok. Whenever you’re ready.”          

            I just nodded.

 

            The days passed on, he was getting tired and weaker as I was getting more confused and worried. Every other day, it always ended up me in my bra and underwear and me stopping him for going any further. Our hormones were just off the charts. Even when he touched my hand, all of a sudden I was in his arms and we were making out on the couch. Or even when he looked at me, I would push him against the wall and start kissing him. We were crazy. Crazy in love with each other.

            It was bad. I knew that and he knew that. We knew one day it was going to happen, and we didn’t know when. All he knew was that I just wanted my first time to be special. Not our raging hormones overbearing my thought process or being impulsive one night. He knew that and he understood.

            His first time wasn’t special. He lost his virginity in the eighth grade by one of the popular girls. He said it was the best day of his life. They were at her house, no one home, he brought condoms, one thing led to another and boom it happened.

            As for me, sixteen, and probably the only girl going into junior year being a virgin. And I was okay with that. I wanted my first time to be special and with a special person. It’s called making love, right? So, I was still a virgin and glad to be one.

            And I knew I was driving Anthony crazy but he just had to live with it. Ha-ha.