When is the Only Time You Pee When Scared

When we got back from San Diego, I was happy that we were finally home in one piece and we were alone. Alone, alone. With no people next to us or above us or under us. We were in the house alone and it sent me tingles down my spine. It was so weird. But I went to bed since it was early in the morning and woke up at ten the next morning.

            I woke up and saw Anthony lying next to me with his arm on my waist, still sleeping. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. It looked like he was healthy and not sick.

            I kissed him and he woke up. He smiled and pulled me closer to him and kissed my temple. “Good morning, baby girl. How did you sleep?”

            “Good morning. I slept well. You?” I said.

            “Wonderful.”

            After he said that, he rolled more on his side and was leaning on his elbow looking at me. I put my arms around his neck and brought him to me. We kissed and when I stopped, he started kissing my neck. I put his lips back to mine so I can see why I was so excited for us to be alone.

            But then I wondered. It’d been quite awhile since he held me and kissed me like this. In this kiss, there was a sense of desperation in it that I couldn’t even believe. It wasn’t just him who was feeling desperate to touch or kiss each other, it was me too. But this kiss, how he held me, he kissed and held me with more wanting than other times. With this wanting for me, wanting to kiss and touch me, made me even more desperate to touch him, kiss him. EVERYTHING. This made me want more of him, craving more of him.

            We were still making out under the covers for five minutes. It was like we didn’t want to stop. In that moment, I didn’t know what to do right in the heat of things because my head were feeling emotions so fast, my body didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know what to do next. In that moment, I just wanted, craved more of him.

            I was the one who broke away and started gasping for air. When I did so, he just moved to my neck. He was kissing my cheek, down my jaw, down my throat, and onto my chest, just above my tank top.

            I looked at his toned body. Even for skin and bones, he still had a nice body. He was just wearing sweats. And the heat of him, the heat of his body, made me pull on him more, made me tug at his waist band in order for me to be closer against his body.

            He started kissing me down my chest, lifted up my tank top and started kissing my stomach. His hand went up under my shirt, up my smooth side and I was breathless. This moment, that little touch up my side, did it. Made me crazy. Made me insane. Made me feel every emotion. Love, anger, sad, joy, happy, crazy, etc. All the bad emotions because he was going to die and we wouldn’t have these awesome moments together.

            But I lived in that moment; when he touched me. He started lifting my tank top up, and as his hands were going up my smooth side, I started breathing really hard, and then I started pulling on him and started kissing him.

            I had to gasp for air again, I’ve been gasping for air, since he touched me like that, which made me breathless. And he started doing another circuit of kissing my throat, down my chest, and onto my stomach.

            With these moments, it was the longest time for us not to talk. Just think with our hearts and listening to what we wanted to do. Which was to kiss and touch each other.

            Unfortunately, Anthony broke the silence while I got on top of him and started kissing him.

            He let go to talk, but I started kissing his neck. “I haven’t wanted you so bad in my life. I’ve wanted you, but right now…” he stopped as I started sliding my hands down his chest and up his shirt. I brought him up so he could sit up and I wrapped my legs around him and started kissing his neck, knowing he had more to say.

            “You don’t know how good you feel against me.” He was breathless. Of course, it was because of me. “Right now, right here, feels good. You feel amazing.”

            He looked at me kissed my cheek.

            “I think, right now, is not the time…” I admitted. “I’m sorry…it feels good, so good. But I’m scared, and you’ll be my first, and I know this isn’t your first. So, I know I shouldn’t be scared since it’s you, but I just want to wait for a little bit. Is that okay?”

            Anthony picked me up and we sat at the foot of the bed. “Of course.”

 

            We went downstairs and after that, we weren’t hungry. We just went into the living room and looked in the movie case.

            Anthony looked at me and I looked at him. And we both knew what we were thinking. There it was. The whole line of fifteen scariest movies you could ever see. Saw, The Purge, Paranormal Activity, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Cabin in the Woods, and the list goes on.

            “You got to be kidding me.” I said. “We are not going to watch these movies. You know these movies; especially Paranormal Activity scares the hell out of me.”

            He just looked at me. “Which movie do you want to start us off with?” he looked entertained. I knew he was having fun.

            I looked at the fifteen movies that were lined up in the movie case. I looked at The Hills Have Eyes, and then I looked at The Purge.

            I picked the two movies up to show Anthony. “Which one? I don’t know which one to pick.”

            He was looking at the movies, determining which one to choose. Then he picked one. The Hills Have Eyes. I knew he was going to pick that one. It was one of his favorite scary movies. Mine was The Cabin in the Woods. I decided to pick something different that day.

            “Ready to watch?” he asked.

            “Fine, put the damn movie on.” I said sternly.

            We went on the couch and started watching the movie. I started shaking once the title showed up.

            It’s basically about how some people tested out a nuclear bomb in the desert. People were still in the area when they were testing it, and babies were born all screwed up and looked weird and that crap. These people grew up and formed a group and lived in the desert, like in the mountains. They would capture people, freaking torture or do whatever they did, and killed people. I guess they were cannibals as well.

            Anyways, this family mysteriously gets a flat tire from this sharp metal thing in the middle of nowhere, desert. Then the weird people come out and start doing s**t to them and stuff and it just gets creepy.

            As we were watching it, of course I screamed in the parts that were freaking scary, and cringe at the parts that were disgusting and creepy. And just the people gave me the creeps. They looked all disfigured and crap. Just freaking freaky!

            About two hours later, the movie was over. When the movie ended, I was at the end of the couch covered in a blanket with a pillow covering a third of my face.

            Anthony just looked at me and shook his head. He put the other movie in and sat on the couch next to me. I was on his lap and he kissed me on the temple.

            “We’re watching The Purge?” I asked. He just simply nodded.

            We were watching the movie and as soon as the insane people break into the house, a girl just comes out of nowhere and I jumped three feet up. Not kidding.

            That wasn’t all. I jumped, screamed, and then all of a sudden I felt a little damp. I realized I peed.

            I looked at Anthony to see if he noticed. “What?” he said.

            I started giggling. “What happened?” Anthony asked again.

            “I tinkled in my pants.” I said matter of factly.

            We both busted out laughing. I just went to the bathroom and did what I had to do.

            We finished the movie and went from the next to the next to the next.

           

 

            That day, was unforgettable. That day was when I felt every emotion. That was actually all good. We watched scary movies the whole entire day until ten. Then we went to bed and I had that special moment, of the feeling when we touched, in my head, thinking I was able to go all the way and show Anthony how much I loved him.