Okay...wow! This was really good. I think you set up the story super well, and that the dialogue is clear and to the point! One thing maybe, is around the fifth or fourth paragraph, you stop the path of the dialogue between father and daughter for a bit of backstory. Obviously, backstory is good. But maybe (I think) it was just a little too much in one go? It really threw off the pace you made with the dialogue. But other than that, it was fantastic!
You've set the premise perfectly but I would've liked it if you didn't spoil what was going to happen. And yes, you should definitely continue the story. Can't wait for Gwendolyn to come out of the forest chewing cockroaches and wielding a broadsword. Just kidding but the story has potential. Keep it up.
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
Sorry, you did not like the spoiler, but thank you for the feedback.
Damn that escalated fast. When she comes back home with an army. "Take this Father!" lol. It was nice that it was a fast read, but I felt like some details needed to be put in. Like the fact that there weren't any servants you wrote about. It felt like it was just the main event and felt a little empty. Which if that's what you wanted the reader to feel since the princess is getting kicked out then great job. I can't wait to see what has happened to her old home.