My lyfe prt. 2

Like said before, Carroll told me this would be the best therapy, because I am not judged by my pears here.

Resume part two.

Two years after my sister was sick. That's when I lost my grandmother, she was the most amazing woman I had ever met. She died of stage four bone cancer, I guess you can say it runs in the family it indeed does. she died in February, I guess that's why winter isn't my season. The never paused again, then resumed without pause upon my youngest brother.

Danny, was two years old when he also was diagnosed with cancer. Ironically it was the same type my sister had. Exactly the same, except his laid within his left orbit. It's hard to see a two year old child, let alone a seventy year old adult, go through this horrid pain. Radiations, Chemos, Feeding tubes, and misery are all that accompany them. 

It's damnation within life, sometimes its hard to believe in God because of the acts of nature. Seeing someone injected with a poison everyday, is damn near immpossable to bear. The acts of the dignified also seem pointless, the charities, the donations, the "help." There is never any real help throughout the whole thing.. No one is going to stand in for you and syphon the pain through a hose, you are the only reciprocal. Pain is all I've known, maybe that explains my elegant poetry. Maybe it also explains my inability to keep my trust on lock, and also how I just give away my heart. I've learned in these short years, that no one is going to understand the misery I've gone under, nay we've gone under.

Fast forward a bit, Present Day.

Now the year is 2014, all of the preivous year, I had been in love or so I thought.

it's all the same ending with every woman/girl I come across. they use me for my money, or for my freakishly large genitalia, or for my warm heart. It's beautiful at first then tensions rise and it becomes hot and heavy. Then it falls softly like snow so majestic, then it grows cold, and in the end it hurts.. That's how its always been, misery has always loomed over my relationships because I am the only one who's been scorched by the flames of passion. I don't understand, I've done all the math, it all adds up, I guess I need to be wary of whom I give my heart. Because my heart is large yes, but frail indeed. It folds easily, cracks, tears, and breaks with the flick of a wrist. All I've ever wanted in this hellish lyfe is love, why is it so hard for me is it the way I look do I just show the pain of everything on my face? Why can't I find someone real? A non Pretender. I guess that's for me to find out until I do indeed find her or until she finds me, I'll be alone I'm used to it I suppose the agony just suits me well. Until the day my skyes are bleu they will be filled with nightmares discord. This was the hand I was delt in lyfe, it's no bodies fault, non to blame.

I am not afraid to walk alone.. Even if it means forever.

Author's Note

attached is a picture of me.. Carroll said it was necessary, if you want to know who Carroll is I talk about him on my profile.