So Near and Yet So Far

This is a semi-autobiographical poem, about a person who studies hard and wins social status, but is still lonely through it all.

He studied with a fervour

A keen sense of ambition

He gained education with valour

Went to the top in social position

 

He worked hard, and consistent

Strove to keep a good employment

He fasted at every month of Lent

With no time for idle enjoyment

 

His knowledge was extensive and deep

Numerous books he would read

More books than he would need

He would work all day until his sleep

 

Waking every morning as planned

In his mansion, not ill kept

All simple pleasure he had banned

Declaring he was perfect, and adept

 

He wishes every night upon a star

Dreams of a girl, for true affection

Just such a lady, of true devotion

She is so near, and yet so far

Author's Note

Comments on grammar and syntax are invited, and also any suggestions for improvement.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and as smart as he is, and as much as he has achieved, he finds that life is not lived in a book...we need to have a "someone" in our life to make it complete..all the achievements in the world cannot fill that void.

nicely expressed...i like your use of slant rhyme in this.
j.

[Hasan669]

I'm glad you like the poem. I often use rhyme, and in fact I feel I have an obsession with making my poems rhyme. Thank you for a very positive review.

[Coyote Poetry]

Wishes made, maybe, can come true?
"He wishes every night upon a star
Dreams of a girl, for true affection
Just such a lady, of true devotion
She is so near, and yet so far"
I did like the above lines. Could stand alone. Thank you Hasan for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Patricia Wedel]

No improvement needed. It often times happens that achieving success is so time-consuming that one can neglect the essentials of love... which flows within a Spirit divine.
truly, Pat

[Melli]

I think you expressed his life very well, how all his “success” and knowledge don’t automatically equal his happiness. I would play around with making the voice more active in stanza 3. My English professor always tells me to get rid of “was” and “would” whenever possible. But this is a deep concept, thanks for sharing!

[Hasan669]

Thank you, your review is indeed helpful. I will certainly take note of what you say about trying not to use 'was' and 'would'. Much appreciated.