Of Course, Silly

This is the other version to my other poem: You Came Back, For Me?

 

I answered the question the teacher asked me.
The girls giggled in class.
I hated that.
Every girl that's "praised" me.
I hate it.
They all act like I'm perfect.
I'm not.
The only person that I want praising me, is her.
But, I'd never end up with her.
The bell rang.
I saw her walk out of class.
I followed.
I saw her walk out of the front doors.
I noticed that she didn't have un umbrella.
She started to walk again.
I called her name.
She looked back and saw me.
She looked away.
Does she hate me?
"Wait!" I called out.
She stopped walking.
"Do you have un umbrella?" I asked.
"No." She didn't look me in the eyes.
"Wanna share mine?"
I smiled as she looked up at me. "N-No thank you. I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" I frowned.
"Yeah...." She walked away, and left me behind.
Was it something I said?
Did I do something wrong?
Does she, hate me?
I shook my head.
No.
That can't be it.

I ran.
Ran as fast as I could through the ran.
As I stomped in the puddles, there was a loud noise.
I saw her.
Finally.
She turned around.
I stopped in front of her, and tried to catch my breath.
My umbrella was open.
I put it over her head.
"You came back, for me?"
"Of course, silly." I smiled.
We walked together through the rain, knowing that we'd always be there for eachother.

Reviews

[Kaito Asuke]

You know, this reminds me of a personal moment when something just like this happened to me, it was a very captivating moment for myself and you captured it rather nicely here. While unfortunately my heart was torn months later, I can safely say it memory was very picturesque, just like this poem. The last three lines simply capture everything that can felt or be said in such a moment such as this; it's very comforting and warm.

All the best,
~Kaito Asuke

[Brittany DeFranco]

awsome, u made the guy's point of view from "You came back, for me?" that just cool, the way I think about it, but I feel like is doesn't matter but it's so----good!
~Brittany

[Mpotavin]

I really like the conversational style of this. You have done what few people on this site have been able to do. You impressed me. Then I read the last line. How could you? This was great all fun and whimsy, a moment captured in time. Please just remove the last line. It is just plain awful. Also describe her to us. What is it that captures your attention. Consider starting with a daydream of her that then leads into the rest. Your current beginning sets a kind of outsider misfit tone that doesn't compliment the rest of the poem.