The Lost Child

Once upon a time, a fair,

Held somewhere here.

Many people from all around,

Flocked merrily to the ground.

A little boy seven years old.

Very cute and very bold.

Came with his parents to the fair.

His mother said, oh dear!

Don't go too far away from us!

We will soon leave to catch the bus.

He ran away for a giant wheel ride .

Soon realising his parents were not by his side.

He ran some more for a better look.

In his hand was a tidy book.

But instead he saw himself in a jungle, dark.

Where he heard some wild dogs bark.

He again ran some far away.

But was totally confused with the way.

He was holding a toy car.

Which he now threw very far.

Also a candy in his pocket.

And a beautiful shining locket.

  

 In despair he loudly cried.

I don't want a giant wheel ride.

I just want my mother father back.

Feeling like a prisoned jack.

He was very angry at himself.

No one around the boy to help.

In frustation, abusing the way.

Cried the boy please take me away!

Suddenly i felt a shake.

It was morning time to wake.

Author's Note

please review this poem.... your reviews will help me improve my writing. :)

Reviews

[Harshita]

This is a heart touching poem. Thanks for sharing. I need to learn from your writings. Thank you. :-)

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Dreams about being ‘lost’ or searching for something that is ‘lost’ usually denote anxiety; they evoke feelings of confusion and frustration! Your exquisite composition poetically highlights the tensions of the boy and the security found in our parents when the child awoke. Your flowing and imaginative write carries the reader along very creatively.

[TheLostMind]

This poem is very delicate and really cute. I found it to be both intriguing and captivating. The flow is good. "Lost in a fair" - we have all had this experience :P.

I loved the way you portrayed the boys actions. Slowly, step-by-step. It was like watching a movie.
"He ran away for a giant wheel ride .
Soon realising his parents were not by his side.
He ran some more for a better look."
....
"He again ran some far away.
But was totally confused with the way."


Some words seem forced, just to make the lines rhyme.
"But instead he saw himself in a jungle, dark."
"He again ran some far away."
" In despair he loudly cried.". I have to accept that this doesn't actually alter the meaning of these lines but.. well, they do play a major part in "distracting" the reader and taking his attention away from the poem's meaning / emotion.

A really good write :).

[harshita]

thanks a lot :) glad you reviewed it :)

[ASHIDASH]

This is a dream but it has conveyed a very deep message.

[harshita]

thanks a lot for stoping by :)

[Frank]

The poem is so bad I cannot review more in case I hurt your feelings

[harshita]

yeah i understand,this ain't my good work!!!

[Moonie]

I really like the message. Love beats money(shiny locket), luxuries(candy), and fruitless pleasures(the ride) The dream could be a bitter memory of the narrator, or an eerie peek into the future....I like that mystery.
However, I would suggest that you should try not to force the rhymes. If the poem wants to be free verse, let it be free verse. Just a suggestion...

[harshita]

thanks.... your suggestion is worth noting.

[AprilRN1210]

I like poetic storytelling and this tells quite a tale, having said that, I do think that the rhyming feels forced in a lot of the lines.. I actually think it would read better without it.. Rhyming tends to flow better when you have tighter meter that helps the words "pop".. (this is just my opinion, for what it is worth)... I do like the emotion, the thoughts, the details, and the story overall.. it has a lot of potential..

[harshita]

thanks... i appreciate your honest review. :)

[Lizardo]

Anothe great story-poem This is really good!
I enjoy readin it and I like the endind
Great work!

[harshita]

thank you so much... :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like how the point-of-view turns from third person to first at the end.

and the whole dream idea---he is flashing back? or flashing forward?

a dark fairy tale---but with a significant meaning....even as a child, it is evident that love is more important than material possessions...even to a seven year old.

nicely done...the pace is good as you left out some unnecessary words in this.

jacob

[harshita]

thanks for stopping by jacob.... :)

[Arsh]

Oh.. very heartfelt write. You`re seemed like a very great story-teller. Sounds interesting. You must upload some of your story-work either on here. I`m sure, you better know how to convert the depth of fairies into poems. Your poetic words`re very good and you play well with words. Thankfully, I didn`t say, you play well with the hearts... do you? (Kidding) ;)

Nice imagery!
Ps. Your emotions`re well pondered with the depth of this write! ;)

[harshita]

thanks a lot!!!!!!!! btw you took my word (nice imagery) :p :) ;)

[Arsh]

That`s even my specialty that I take even the 'heart' of beautiful ones either... don`t I? (smiling)

[harshita]

hw would i know ?????(shrugging) :p

[Arsh]

How`d you know? Well, take a look at into the grave of your shimmery heart and ask it to yourself keeping my name on your soft lips. Lol

[harshita]

my heart denies what you say :p

[Arsh]

Your heart denies? Well, how is it possible? Did you try to ask it to your mind? ;)

[harshita]

well my mind and my heart said it all together :P

[Arsh]

Really? Well, now there`s sure something wrong. And, now keep your eyes close and just feel it through the whisper of your spirit. I`m sure... you`d get what you are looking for to have. And, this time.. even you must hear what you soul says to you. Lol

[harshita]

all i can hear is arsh is going crazy :p

[Arsh]

See.. you got it. Haha! (Laughing)

[harshita]

hehe :D hmm :) (winking and laughing)

[Arsh]

Pleasure to have your wink.. xoxo lol

[harshita]

haven't got any answer for that!!!!!

[Arsh]

Sounds good.
Then... just enjoy the pleasure I blow your way. No need to stress your mind to answer or unanswer unsaid things spoken by unspoken heart. Lol

[harshita]

looks like your mind and heart have grown wings.... i'm here to cut 'em (laughing, devil look in eyes) :p

[Arsh]

No need to cut them out. They oneself get down when the winds ain`t blow their ways. All Good.

[harshita]

ok fine.... :)

[Arsh]

Oh I forgot to tell, sometimes, thy fly without even having the gush of winds cause, wings don`t need any winds or direction to fly... along. Lol ;)

[harshita]

at that point i agree just like my heart flows in 'one direction'(my favourite band) without any support :)

[Arsh]

Good to know.