I swear to not

 

So many why’s? 

But I am not allowed to 

question.. just follow you I am told, 

and sure will unfold all of  

your blessings.  Down my dark roads 

you watched me below hell. 

How could anyone say, this was a 

God’s will? 

I bled more times looking up at 

the sky. 

Screaming at myself 

brainwashed that I couldn’t get it right.   

My mind is lost 

wondering where you have been? 

You sacrifice my life for 

all of my sins. 

Without fail or success  

My heart is breaking and 

falling onto the ground. 

The dying rose petals of time, 

 spinning anxiety and 

confusion all around.  

I waited on you, father,  

you never forgave me...  

Mental illness is my blessing father, 

there was never any 

hope for me.  

I danced around your commandments, 

only given the 

The nervous energy of Sunday’s eyesight. 

They accepted, me father?! 

My friends now? Family?  

There isn’t one standing with me, 

my demons are winning the fight.... 

I questioned your existence 

much like everyone else, 

at times I am still screaming, 

"F**K YOU GOD!" 

I am burning on this earth 

I call hell. 

 

-Brianna Rodriguez

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Your words touched me Brianna and I relate because my own daughter suffers with mental health problems and she is really struggling right now. I imagine her saying exactly what you have said, especially in your final lines. We as a family stay close. I question her friends and their motives. Mental health illness is a curse. I find it sad that you consider the demons are winning the fight because that's where my daughter is right now. I wish you better days ahead.

Chris

[Harmony.Txx]

Chris,
It is hard to find the right words when such delicate hearts are involved. What I can tell you is this. When I was going through my darkest of times, sometimes all I wanted was someone there, to sit next to me. Someone I was completely comfortable with, someone to run their fingers through my hair. Even if we didn’t say much.. Just sit next to me.. Something so simple, would feel soothing.
I can tell you are very involved, very close, you are very worried… Your job will be the hardest.. That is to stay strong… So do what you know how to do best, stay strong.
-Bri