6 A.M

Are these needles?

Stabbing my heart?

 I do not even 

know where to start. 

 

My life sucks, 

I am back at the

 bottom again. 

I walked, into this place of 

darkness.  

 

Is anyone home? 

This place is now empty and 

so  cold. 

 

 Souls swimming and

screaming their agony.

 I learned their chants and 

for a brief moment, 

I felt as though 

I could breathe. 

 

The devil in my head, 

f*****g set me up again.  

Satan always comes 

back to win.  

So I became one with 

all of my demons.

 I’m home now, 

But there is 

still no rest

for the wicked

 

-Brianna Rodriguez

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Harmony's Brianna,

You have set to pen of page most personal and, thus, important thoughts set to pen of page, bravely shared with the world. And for what possible reason? For those who may feel as do you, experience all that you do, struggle with all that you do, and do wonder if they are the only ones who do. A very finely written selfless write without any doubt.

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[Les]

Sometimes the best reads aren’t the easiest and it was hard to read about your subject struggling with their demons, but it was a powerful piece. I just hope it wasn’t too personally based.

[Harmony.Txx]

Hello Les,
Thank you very much for taking your time to review! All of my work comes from the inner core of me, in other words, I have felt before.I wanted to come out with what I have been through to let others know, I have there and I'm still here.

[Harmony.Txx]

JayG,
I applaud you for your review! I always appreciate when my work inspires someone, someone to take such time and such energy out of their day for me.. Horrible or not, it's me! Thanks Doll ;)

[JayG]

• I'm here to help the broken,

With THIS? It reads like Lydia's suicide note, from Beetlejuice:

"I am utterly alone. By the time you read this I will be gone..."

Seriously, complaining to others about problems that you don't define is self-pity. No more. It's meaningless to the reader who knows neither you nor why you were moved to write a, "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat some worms," style rant.

Poetry isn't someone listing their complaints against an uncaring world. It's a piece of writing meant to move the reader emotionally. Instead of saying "I feel lousy," make the reader feel what you do. Give them reason to care. At the moment, you're using a nonfiction approach, and TELLING the reader about you, and your mood, without making them either know you, or, care.

I had a s****y day yesterday. Does my telling you that fill you with the urge to comfort me, to know more? Of course not...unless I've made you know why it was, and, made to empathize with me.

Fail that and I'm just another stranger passing in the night, unknown and unnoticed. Poetry doesn't inform. That's nonfiction. readers are NOT reading it to find out how people they know nothing about feel.

Bottom line: Poetry readers are there for entertainment, in the form of an emotional experience, not a report broken into short lines. They're amenable to the dark side of life, but you have to make it real fo the reader, not talk TO them.

Do a bit of research into the whys and hows of writing poetry. There's a lot to it that's not obvious, and we're given not a bit of the necessary background and skills in our school days, where the focus is on trainng us in skills employers need, not the techniques of professions. They're learned IN ADDITION to the general skills of school.