Chapter Seven

 

Chapter 7

 

I finally came home at 11o’clock that night.

“I don’t believe this. I can’t even talk to him. He’s getting as bad as my mother.” I said primarily to myself.

“Hon, is that you?” asked my mother.

“Nope, it’s the devil child.” I said half sarcastically.

“What?” She asked confused.

“Never mind.” I said and went to my room. Once in my room I started talking to my father’s portrait again.

“So, you actually talked to me today?” I asked his picture. Obviously there was no response. I sighed.

“I don’t know what I’m doing any more.” I said. I lay on my bed staring out the window, wondering why I couldn’t grasp onto the concept of God’s Love. The only love I grasped onto was Emery’s. Although I couldn’t understand why he would love a non-Christian. I mean he’s definitely more involved with God than I am. What did he fully mean by we wouldn’t be that different for long. I wonder if he knows something about me that I don’t.

“Hello.” Said a very friendly figure.

“What? Who’s there?” I said looking into the darkness of my room and seeing nothing.

“Well who it is isn’t important. All I know is that I am here to give you warning.” Said the voice.

“What, like scrooge and the 3 ghosts? Oh my Go…” I started.

“Ahh, ah, ah. Language.” Said the voice, which was female.

“Are you a ghost?” I asked.

“hahaha, no dear. I’m not a ghost.” Said the voice. It started to sound familiar.

“Miss…Diane?” I asked.

“In the…wait. I’m not flesh, but I’m no ghost either. It’s way complicated.” Miss Diane said, she started to come into view and she was really young.

“Miss Diane!?” I asked. “Last time I saw you, you were 60 something.” I said.

“Well, when ya go to Heaven, ya turn all young! It’s awesome.”

“So, is this a Christmas Carol remake?” I asked.

“Uh, well. Same basic idea, but no.” She said.

“What?” I asked.

“Well, it’s just that scrooge had to learn the value of life…you need to learn the value of eternal life.” She said.

“Oh. I see, well let’s get started then.” I said.

“Well, I could give you the same talk of the eternal flames, which is true, but I’ll spare you the drama as you put it to an evangelist back when you were 14.”

“How’d you…never mind. Angel, I forgot.”

“Oh, no dear I’m not an angel. All angels were created at once. So I am not an angel.” She said.

“Any way, why did you bring that up?” I asked.

“Well this is where it gets a little Charles Dickens.” She said.

“Oh, ok.” I said. Miss Diane turned on the T.V in my room and turned on my DVD player.

“So, you’re here to change my life by an instructional video? Like drivers training?” I asked laughing. Miss Diane laughed; she had a good sense of humor. From what I could tell from the short time I knew her anyway.

“No, it’s not an instructional video.” She said. “Oh, that’s a good one.” She said. Out of no where she had a DVD and put it into my player and picked up the remote.

“Ok, so here we have the first half, which is all the times you made fun of, or skipped out on church or any other religious functions. The screen started playing this time when I was 7, 2 years after my fathers death and my mom tried to get me into Sunday school. I threw a huge temper tantrum. On the screen I saw myself kicking and screaming.

“I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SUNDAY SCHOOL!!!!” I kicked my mother and screamed some more. I was horrified at myself.

“I really acted that way?” I asked, remembering it a bit differently.

“Yes, I’m afraid so. Boy did that hurt God’s ears.” said Miss Diane.

“Just continue.” I said. The next…‘Scene’ was when I was 9, I faked sickness a lot on Sundays, mainly using the excuse of being too tired. The scene after that was when I turned 11 and my mother’s pastor came over to see if I wanted to go to a kids club with his daughter.

“No, I have other plans with my mother.” I lied. My mother was doing laundry that day.

“Oh, ok then.” He said and left. It showed many scenes when I had lied to the pastor and my mother. Then came the age of 14, when an evangelist walked up to me on the street. He tried to talk to me about Jesus’ Love and how to gain salvation.

“Spare me the Drama dude.” I said and walked away with my friends…the same friends who dumped me the next week. I thought it was God punishing me for dissing the evangelist. Miss Diane put in a second Disk.

“Special features.” She said. The screen came to focus and it showed my parents. My mom was yelling at my father.

“If you want to abandon your daughter and wife for some stupid religious work in Africa then be my guest!!!” She yelled. I paused the scene.

“Whoa, that’s before my mom was saved.” I said.

“Yes, remind you of someone?” She asked, but before I could speak she resumed the scene.

“It’s not religious work. It’s Jesus’ Work. There’s a difference.” My father said. I stared at my father. He wasn’t yelling, he wasn’t even angry. He looked at my mother with compassion, and love, and it was different. My mother always said he was so angry at her, but he wasn’t at all.

“I don’t care if it’s fetching food for Buddha…” My father interrupted her.

“Please don’t compare the living God, to some fat dude that’s dead.” He asked quite nicely.

“Sorry, but you seem more loving and caring to strangers than you do your own family.” My mother said.

“No, no. Honey, I love and care about you and Trinity just the same. Why do you think that I keep ‘Pestering’ you, your words not mine. About Jesus, and eternal life? Because I love you and don’t want you to die.”

“Well, we all die eventually.”

“No, not the physical death, spiritual death. I don’t want you to be separated from God forever.” Miss Diane skimmed slightly through the scene where my mother cried out to God for salvation.

“So, my mom was scared that my dad loved his work more than us?” I asked.

“Yes, that’s why when your father assured her that he loved her and you. Eventually she came to the understanding that he did love Jesus more, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. Miss Diane went to the next scene. The scene faded into my father’s funeral, my mother was holding me on her lap praying to God for strength and his love. Then I was amazed when I heard out of my 5 year old mouth.

“Mommy?” I asked.

“Yes honey?” My mother asked wiping away tears from her eyes.

“If God loves us, why did he take daddy from us?” I had asked. I paused the DVD.

“I really asked that at that age?” I asked Miss Diane.

“Yes, it was purely from Satan.” She said.

“Gee, thanks.” I said.

“No, sorry. I meant the thoughts that were put in your head. They were and still are all from Satan.

“Uh huh.” I said and pressed play.

“Oh honey, God took daddy because he needed him more.” I got off my mothers lap and ran out the sanctuary, never stepping into one again until 12 years later when Emery invited my mother and me to church. Miss Diane skipped to the next scene with my mother. It came into focus and I had just yelled at my mother about how I wanted nothing to do with God and his so called Love. It was about 2 years ago when I was 15. I stamped off to my room, and my mom fell to her knees crying.

“My mom cried?” I asked. Miss Diane nodded and showed me a collage of all the times I told my mom to stop talking about God and then crying after or waiting until she was in bed.

“I did that to my mother?”

“Yes Dear.” Miss Diane said. “You should really consider this, before your heart is hardened by God.” She said.

“So, am I dreaming or are you really here talking to me?” I asked.

“I’m really here.” She said.

“But I thought that once you’re dead you can’t come back.” I said.

“Yes, well for some reason God allowed for me to come back to you.”

“Oh. I don’t know.” I said.

“I really want to know why you don’t just accept him.” She said.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” I said.

“Don’t give me that, you know why you’re holding out. What’s the matter, why don’t you want to accept God’s love and accept Jesus as your savior what’s holding you back, what’s itching at you to not?” She kept going on and on.

“STOP!!!” I yelled. “I don’t want to, because God hasn’t given me a good reason to accept him, and he hasn’t proven to me that he even cares!” I started crying and yelling.

“There ya go, let it out.” She said.

“God just hasn’t shown me enough for me to believe, just no good reason.” I said. Miss Diane pushed play on the remote and another collage began, only this time it was all the times I should have died but didn’t. When I was 2 years old I fell off our roof. 5 years old right after my dad I fell into our swimming pool. 9 years old I was almost hit by a truck. 13 I almost crushed myself under a lot of cargo in a warehouse on a field trip. When I was 16 a year ago I got totally wasted and almost fell off the top of a building, and of course a few months ago, I was almost a bus pancake.

“Are those enough reasons?” Miss Diane asked.

“No, those were just me being stupid. What did those have to do with God?” I asked. She played them again.

“Watch again, more closely this time.” She said and pressed play. This time I saw figures there holding me back.

“Are those?...” I asked.

“Yes, those were guardian angels.” In every scene one was there.

When I was 2 one held onto my waist. 5 one lifted me up to my mother’s arms, 9 one moved the truck over causing it to swerve. 13 he held the rope so it didn’t come down. 16 another one once again held onto my waist to keep me from falling to my death. Of course a few months ago Emery was there. I fell onto my bed, and started thinking.

“So, even though I hated God, and didn’t love him back, he’s loved me this whole time?” I asked.

“Of course.” said Miss Diane. I then started to really contemplate about this whole God thing. I mean so far what I’ve been told is: God loves me no matter what, I’d be able to live forever in Heaven, and I’d see my father again and live with my true family, and Emery.

“Will Life be better too?” I asked.

“Well, not exactly. You could be persecuted, and you could be disregarded as a Christian freak, or as you put it when we went to that basketball game. Bible geeks and Jesus freaks.” She said.

“Yeah, sorry about all I said.” I told her.

“It’s ok. So what’s your decision? If you have one that is.” She said.

“Um, I’m really just not sure. Hold on, I’m thinking.” I said.

“Oh, ok.” She said pressing play. “For while you’re thinking.” She said. I watched the T.V. screen as it was a recent time. I told my mom where to go with God and his ‘Love.’ My mom prayed to God.

“God, you know Trinity, she’s my daughter. I love her so much. I know you do too father. Work in her, let her see that you are her father now, and forever. Father God I pray for her, help her to come to your self before it’s too late. I will not give up on her father. Please don’t give up on her either. Amen.” My mom sat there crying and reading her bible for a long time.

“My mom really said that?” I asked while tears streamed down my face.

“Your Heavenly father, and your mother love you so much. Please choose wisely. I have to go now, God is calling me back saying my task is completed. Thanks for listening. I hope to see you here in Heaven someday.” Miss Diane gave a half smile and vanished.

“Wait, no. I need more information!” I said crying and yelling. “I need more information.” I fell to my knees.

“You have all the information you need right here.” I looked up and noticed Emery there with my bible. “Here. Read this. I’ll see you around, Love you.” He said kissing my forehead. I opened my bible and started reading. I stayed up all night reading.