Blog: The raw truth about the relationship with my son's father

A Story by harleyleona

This will probably be my most real and personal blog. I'm going to be completely open about all my inner thoughts and feelings. My son's father is the definition of a wolf in Sheep's clothing, he can drag you in with one sentence and he can cut you out with one word. I was never what he wanted or at least not what he wanted to be in a relationship with. I was his toy, I jumped at his every command I was so head over heels, yet when I needed him he mysteriously could never be reached. A week before I had my son he decided that after 9 months of ignoring me or using me that he wanted to be with me. We were going to have a family, our family. Our son was born and things were great until he started pulling away. I was reaching out and he was pushing me away. One night I got nosy and my worst nightmares were true multiple girls texting and sending naked pictures. I was crushed I felt my stomach churn and my face set on fire I woke him up and flipped out he instantly became defensive and turned it on me. He grabbed my hair and drug me to the floor, part of me was stunned and full of fear, but the other part of me was intrigued and slightly turned on. (Like I said before I'm going to be real with everyone). Weeks went by and not a single incident I felt myself pick at fights, but nothing. Then one night we were having sex and he grabbed my hair. It didn't scare me that time, but gave me more of a sensual thing. Well pulling hair turned into slight choking, but that was my limit. Well apparently my limits were limiting him too much and he went exploring. He explored through multiple girls, girls that fulfilled him more than I could. I started researching and realized I was with a sadist, but newer discoveries soon came to me. I confronted him about the other woman and I was informed they were just pieces in his game, his trophies, his conquers. Not only was I with a sadist, but I had involved myself with a sadistic narcissist. Finally I couldn't handle the heartbreak and I left, but I continued to fall victim to his sly ways. I continued to sleep with him and ruined every relationship I tried to be in. I ended up taking him back and things were great. That hunger for me was ever present, however within weeks his hunger faded. I began snooping again and what I found sickened me. He was talking to an ex of his and they were role playing as if they were werewolves. Okay a weird fetish, or at least I thought. I again confronted him and as he explained I realized he really believes that there is another person(or wolf) inside him. I had never experienced schizophrenia, my relationship with mental disorders only included my own depression. I was at lost I was afraid for the safety of my child, but also my heart. Could I really be in a relationship or have a family with a schizophrenic narcissistic sadist. And I realized for the sake of my son and my heart, I couldn't. I ended it. And thought I moved on yet I continue to find myself still loving him and having sex with him. One day, I'll be fully away from him and hopefully soon because I'm doing more harm to myself than help.

© 2015 harleyleona

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Reviews

Wandering Monk

OK HaleyG. . . Putting aside your son's father, and your son for a moment, what do you have left. You have garnered a treasure of experience in life that most people never have. True, you didn't go looking for it, but there is is. Now, and here's the most important advice you'll ever get from another writer . . . put it to use when you write. Look at the hurt, rejections, fear, the angst, everything you experienced and write something that will be positive -- make 'em cry, make 'em feel good. And in so doing you will lift yourself into the respect you deserve. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Karstens