Confessions

A Story by Dezarae

DJ was never meant to feel pain, but the lose of her lover and the loss of her baby drove her mad. Yes... DJ was going to be a mother but this was in a past life she had where fate brought her love an

DJ paced the room, her hands pulling slightly at her ebony hair. Tears swelling at the corners of her eyes, she stood turning to face Kaz`e, who sat on the bed words finally escaping DJ's troubled lips.

"I remember it now like it was yesterday, Kaz`e. I could have saved him."

Her cries filled the empty room, and DJ buried her face in his shirt. Kaz`e tried to sooth her but she was too upset for his loving words.

"Tell me, what you remember DJ… I will be here to listen." he said his grey blue eyes shining with guilt and sorrow.

" I tried to make myself understand what was going on that day but, I couldn't. all the noise and shouting had distracted me, I had lost my footing and he caught me I looked up into those dark eyes he had that only showed passion somehow when he was with me; he wanted me to go beyond  the city and all its noise and pick flowers for him.." she paused looking up at Kaz`e's face with a sorrowful smile

"He had always wanted me to pick flowers for him at the worst of times."

Kaz`e starred into her remorseful eyes and kissed her forehead lightly telling her to continue.

"I didn't understand why he wanted me to pick flowers from the meadows… Silver the only friend I had, the only one who would come out of the shadows to protect me, the one I could always run to, and tell my secrets to; had left without telling me why." she looked up at Kaz`e pain shooting out of her crimson eyes.

"He had kissed me.."

She looked up at Kaz`e again, he was only slightly taller than her but from her kneeling on the floor and him sitting on the edge of the bed made him look taller; she wanted to see if it had bothered him to know that another man had kissed her lips but it didn't seem to bother him.

"I was dazed by his sudden show of affection, he was the first man that I had kissed. He shook me gently with the big strong hands  that I loved. I couldn't pay attention to what was going on I had only focused on him, behind the temple we stood one final time, his lips to mine, whispering goodbye."

She looked up at Kaz`e, who sat there with an expressionless face. Kaz`e looked like he was contemplating something to say to her, but Kaz`e didn't speak . DJ rested her head on his knees and sighed sobs spewing out of her and tears falling down her cheeks; Kaz`e didn't know what to say, she was crying and he just sat there not moving he cringed at the sounds of her pain and her uncharacteristic actions.
"I rushed to the meadow to pick the blue daisies he had asked me for, but I looked back and he stood there watching me with those eyes of his… I remember the way he had said goodbye whispering in my ear.. Damnit Kaz`e, I wanted to go back, I wanted to embrace him and tell him I didn't want to go."

DJ gasped letting go the breath she was holding, clenching her clad purple and pink sweater. She burst into tears again, her eyes stung from the mixture of mascara and tears. Kaz`e starred at her, his grey blue eyes slightly tearing at her pain. His fists clenched to the sheets on the bed breathing started to constrict as she looked at him with streams of black tears.

" I wanted to run back, but my legs kept moving forward, taking me away from the city and all its sounds. Reaching the quiet meadow, the sun was bright and my eyes slightly watered. I picked the flowers he had asked me, although deep down I knew I wasn't going to see him again. But somehow I needed to at least hold them in between my shaking fingers. As I walked back I could hear faint screams and loud sounds, rushing back my racing heart thought about the faint whisper of goodbye he had spoken to me.."

DJ paused as she took a deep breath, Kaz`e struggled to swallow the lump he had in his throat, face cringing as he looked into her scarlet eyes that blazed with fear and depression. He wanted to speak but he didn't know if what he had to say would hurt her more or cause her to hate him forever. He passed his hand through his ebony hair and sighed frowning at the thought of DJ hating him; he watched as the tears fell from her face. He wanted to hold her, wipe t h tears from her eyes and tell her that everything will be ok and Silver is ok; but he bit his lip reaching his hand out. She looked up at him and eyebrows up in fear as she took his hand and held it to her heart and cried.

"Tears had streamed down as I saw what lay waste to my home, debris everywhere while fires broke out and people lay upon bodies and bodies, dead. God, Kaz`e I had never seen anything so horrid in my life, if I wasn't so intent on finding my family and Silver I might have fainted."

Kaz`e gulped as he looked into her somewhat now paled red eyes. Seeing the pain in them he so desperately wanted to tell her the truth; he didn't want to see her suffer like this. He had wanted her to gain her memory so they could be together again not to lose her mind in all the horrid dreams and nightmares of lost family and friends. He didn't know what to tell her in fact he was frozen, forced to sit there and  watch her shiver in pain and guilt.

"DJ…."

She shook her head and bit her bottom lip, tears staining her cheeks.

"Let me finish… I want to let it out." DJ said as she stood slowly pacing around the room hands to her head as she rubbed her temple.
"I looked everywhere for them, forcing myself through all the blood and debris. I ran, my dress slightly burned at the ends as I passed the flames that burned fiercely through out the town. I had found my mother and brother…" DJ paused as she took in a deep breath her tears started again as she remembered her family dead on the ground blood everywhere; she cringed, biting her lip and shutting her eyes.

"DJ?" Kaz`e questioned as he looked at her stance and wondering if she was alright.

"This is just too much for her.." Kaz`e muttered as he clutched the sheets.

He could see the pain from her past grasping her sanity and he wanted nothing more than to tell her the truth.

"They were all gone…Silver was dead… I knew that the moment the blue daisies fell to the ground." DJ gasped clutching her sweater near her heart as she sobbed black tears caused by her make up only made her look more weak.

She looked up at him, wondering if he thought of her as weak, foolish for crying over something that had happened over ten thousand years ago. DJ shook her head lightly trying to gain back her composer but that was not happening; years were still falling. Kaz`e pulled her towards him, embracing her tightly despite her protests. He couldn't or didn't want to see her like this anymore he needed to tell her the truth, but he was too afraid.

"DJ… I have something to tell you… it's important." Kaz`e sighed as he placed her down on the bed.
She looked up at him as she sat on the edge, not really sure if it had something to do with her or if it had something to do with the Mark of Scorn.

"What's wrong? Was it the mark? I mean you still don't know much about it so you? I still think you shouldn't have wasted half of it to save me." she said questions filling the room.

"No… it's nothing to do with that…"

"Then what?" DJ asked feeling excited for some reason,

"DJ…. I was Silver… he was a puppet in my plan to beat Sliver who had escaped into your city." he turned around as he said this not wanting to see her shocked face as he told her.

DJ stood hands clutched to her side as she walked over to him tears streaming down as she bit her bottom lip. He didn't know what she was going to do, beat him? Slap him? Or worse would she go insane and try to kill him?

"Why…." she chocked as she tried to get the words out of her mouth but the held back tears had stopped her.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked biting her lip and  the tears still pouring down.
"I needed to make sure you had got out of the city so I could destroy it and all its evil." he said suddenly turning to her and loosely held her wrists.
She pulled her wrists from him and clasped on the floor, knees shaking too much from the shock.

"If everything was evil… then doesn't that mean I'm evil too?" DJ asked

he kneeled down next to her, lifting her chin up with his finger so her eyes were leveled to his.
"No… I saved you because I saw the goodness in your heart."

She pulled him close to him, breathing in his scent, slightly remembering the scent from long ago.