My Twisted Life

Hope has a secret. A secret kept from the rest of the world. She knows she shouldn't do it. But she was addicted. Hopelessly addicted.

The drip drip drip of the blood on the tiles seemed ominous in the silent house. A flash of silver, and one more jagged wound on Hope's ribs, trickling down her legs and puddling on the bathroom floor. Hope slowly sank down onto the toilet seat, her white undergarments stained with splotches of red. She let go of her undershirt, allowing it to soak up the blood that continued to run out of her wounds. She sat for a minute, not thinking of anything but the pain of the cuts. She sighed and bent down, mopping up the puddles of blood that were sprinkled across the shiny tiles and on the toilet seat with a few tissues. She used a bit of toilet paper to dab at her wounds, then blew out her candles and opened the bathroom door. She gathered the candles and tiptoed to the kitchen, where she replaced all of them and the book of matches. She dashed back to her room, and she flung off her soiled clothes and threw them under the loose floorboard only she knew about. She added her blood-stained tissues to her heap and eased the wood back into place. She flung on her pajamas and snuggled under her covers, giddy with relief that she wasn't found out. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Sunshine cut across Hope's face like a knife, and that's what woke her up. She stayed under the blankets as long as she could, procrastinating. When she couldn't delay any longer, she got up reluctantly and shrugged off her clothes, exchanging it for her school outfit. She chose a long turquiose turtleneck and casual black leggings, and made sure all her scars were covered. She plastered a cheesy smile on her face, and kept smiling as she bounded down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her little sister Faith was already sitting at the table, nibbling on a waffle slathered with strawberry jam. Hope rolled her eyes. She could never understand her sister's strange eating habits. Hope plopped down into a chair and poured herself some cereal. As she dipped her spoon into the milk, Faith announced "Today I'm gonna get a unicorn!" Hope looked at her scornfully. "And where are you going to get one?" She asked teasingly, using a fake, cheery voice. "My teacher said she was going to get each one of us a present, and mine's gonna be a unicorn!" Hope laughed at the dark haired kindergartener. Her sister was the only one who could lift her spirits. Her happiness evaporated abruptly as she thought of the long school day ahead. Her appetite was lost immediately, so she dumped her cereal into the sink and grabbed her book bag. She shoved her feet into her boots, and trudged out the door. As Hope waited at the bus stop, her best friend Penny ambled up to her. "Hiya, Hope!" Penny greeted her cheerfully, not knowing what Hope had done last night. Hope smiled weakly at her, and went back to studying the cracks in the sidewalk. Penny lowered her voice and whispered, "Do ya think the bullies will get ya again?" "Why wouldn't they?" Hope whispered back. "They always did everyday." Penny sighed. "I wish I could do something. It's really painful to watch them do that to you and not be able to do anything!" Hope panicked. "No Penny! I don't want you do be hurt or anything! Stay out of this! I can deal with it!" Just then the bus arrived. Hope swallowed down hysteria and climbed up the stairs, trembling like a leaf in an eddy.

"Get lost, you b***h!" a boy smirked. The rest of the gang jeered. Hope saw a black-haired girl pointing and laughing at her. Her friend was doing the same. Hope wiped blood away from her forehead and tried to get up, but another boy shoved her down. She scraped her elbows and winced in pain. A fist came flying at her face, and her nose crunched. She held her nose, trying to stop the blood that was gushing out of her nostrils and dripping off her chin. "We're not done with you yet!" A skinny little blonde screeched. You said to get lost! Hope thought, but didn't say it out loud. She knew she was going to be beat up even more if she did. After another 15 minutes of torture, the biggest shoved her away. "Now run home to your mommy!" he snarled. "And remember, if you tell anyone, you're dead meat!" Hope clutched her backpack and stumbled away. She had already missed the bus home, so she was forced to walk. Her faithful friend Penny jumped out from where she was hiding behind a trashcan and joined Hope as she trudged her way home. "OMG! Your nose! Here! I have some tissues, but I think it's broken so you probably have to go to a doctor, and is your mom home? If she is, she'll surely notice the blood on your shirt. Do you want to come to my house to clean up? My mom isn't home so-" Hope cut in. "Sure Penny. I'll come to your house." Penny babbled on, ignoring Hope. "I feel like a terrible friend! We should really tell the teacher! We can't let this go on!" Hope sighed, and wearily said, "Penny, this will get worse if we tell. Trust me." "Okay. If you're sure." Penny said quietly, and the two friends didn't exchange a single word during the walk home. By the time they arrived at Penny's house, Hope's nose wasn't throbbing anymore. The blood had stopped too. "See Penny. I'm fine. It's just a little bruise. Don't worry." Hope said as cheerfully as she could manage. Penny smiled tentatively, and Hope could see relief in her eyes. As they walked in, giant dog attacked Hope. "Woah, Charlie! Down boy!" Hope laughed, enjoying the golden retriever's antics. Charlie simply licked her face from hairline to chin, so she was covered in dog slobber by the time Penny got the retriever to sit down. "Bad dog Charlie!" Penny scolded, but Hope just laughed again. "It's fine. I just wish my mom would let me get a dog." "Yeah. It's too bad your sister's allergic." Hope sighed. Penny noticed this and quickly changed the subject. "Here, let me take your shirt. I'll just throw it in the laundry. You can wear my shirt." Hope took Penny's cream-colored blouse and went into the bathroom to change. After she was done she quickly washed her face to get rid of the blood, and then plodded out. Penny was waiting for her. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" she asked hopefully, and Hope agreed. After all, it would help get her mind off of things.

It was the middle of the night, and Hope was back in the bathroom with her knife. The candles flickered menacingly, as if they were threatening her. Hope stared at the girl in the mirror. She stared lifelessly back. The girl in the mirror looked dead, as if she had given up on her life. Her green eyes were dull, and her golden hair was limp and ragged. Hope looked away. That couldn't be her, could it? However, when she raised her hand, the girl in the mirror mimicked her. Hope whispered, pain imbedded in her voice,"I know I must have faith and hope..." Hope almost laughed as she realized the irony in her name. Hope. As if. Silent tears streaked down her face as she lifted her knife. She closed her eyes, and slit open every one of her scars, all twenty-four of them. Blood seeped out like syrup, and dripped slowly down her stomach to be soaked up by her thin underwear. Hope grimaced as she felt the thick liquid flowing down her legs. She opened her eyes and looked at blood-spattered knife. The girl in the mirror was right. She was right to give up on life. After all, giving up seemed the easiest thing to do.

The next morning, Hope rushed to the bathroom to check on her nose. A huge purple bruise was smack dab in the middle of the bridge of her nose. "Oh!" she gasped, and her hand immediately flew up the hide it. What am I supposed to do about this? She wondered, then decided to simply put a band-aid on it. When she finally trudged downstairs to the kitchen, her mom immediately pounced on her. "Why do you have a band-aid on your nose?" she demanded. "It's nothing. I just hit myself, Mom. It's nothing serious." Hope smiled in a fake way, and she was sure her mom could see through her mask, but she just shrugged. "Okay then. Make sure it doesn't happen again." Hope rolled her eyes. Sometimes her mom could be so overprotective.

Hope cowered against the side of the school, fearfully waiting for the blow that would hit her in the head. The black-haired boy raised his hand, and Hope cringed. Suddenly, an unexpected voice called out; "Leave her alone." Hope straightened and peered around the bulky body of her tormentor to see a beautiful boy standing bold. He had long, silky silver hair and glittering heterochromia eyes. He was undeniably thin, like Hope, but still he stood his ground. Hope's eyes widened. Who was this guy? "Leave her alone," he called again in a clear voice. "Who are you to stop us?" The bully snarked, ditching Hope and stalking toward the boy. "I am Lysander, and I don't think it will be a good idea to come any closer." He beckoned someone to come closer, and Hope gasped when she saw them. Max, Leslie, Sam, and Fiona. Jasmine, Jacob, Paul, and countless others. Even Penny was there, smiling at her in an encouraging way.The bullies snarled-it was a curious sound, kind of like starving dogs when you try to steal their food- and backed off. They started to run away, leaving Hope sprawled on the hard cement. When the last rebel had turned tail and run, the boy who called himself Lysander strode over. Hope found herself studying his face, tracing over his jawline and lips. "You okay?" he asked, with a slightly monotone but pleasant voice. "Yeah. Thanks." Hope said, staring at him like an idiot. "It's nothing. I saw what happened a few days ago, so I rounded up these people to save you. I couldn't let a fellow student get hurt! I'm the new student in your math class, by the way." He smiled, and Hope's heart squeezed. She was pretty sure she was in love.

From that day on, Lysander met her at the entrance to the school. They always spent the whole day chatting and laughing, and Hope was the happiest she'd ever been. She didn't cut herself anymore, and the bullies didn't bother her. One afternoon she and Lysander were sitting on a bench in the park, just chilling. Then suddenly, Lysander's gorgeous face turned solemn, and he looked nervous. Hope's heart started sputtering hyperactively. Was he going to say he didn't want to hang out with her anymore now that she was safe? Lysander cleared his throat, and mumbled "You know, I really like you. Do you, you know, be my girlfriend?" Hope stared at him in shock. Was this a dream? If it was, she never wanted to wake up. He looked at the ground and murmured "If you don't, just tell me." Hope screamed and threw her arms around him. He looked startled, but she didn't care. "YES! I will!" She yelled in ecstasy, her heart thudding in joy. Lysander looked relieved, and he laughed. Hope laughed along with him, and decided to push her luck. She gave him a peck on the cheek. He smelled like maple syrup, cinnamon, and autumn air. Now Lysander really looked startled. Hope bit her lip nervously. Then he did something that she least expected him to do. He kissed her softly on the lips. Hope's head started spinning, faster and faster until she felt like she was in a tornado. "This means we're dating, right?" she slurred, a big, fat smile on her face. Lysander laughed and replied, "I guess we are."