Beach Breeze Nightmare

A walk to remember forever

Our clasped hands

Converses filled with the sands

The sands of time

And as they pass by,

Disintegrating youth

 

When our youth is gone,

You will no longer chase me,

up and down the beach

And I will no longer feel your warmth,

as you envelop me within your arms

Nor will I hear the crackling of your gravelly voice,

A sound that brings a smile upon us both,

I will no longer cry as I bury my head in the nook of your neck,

For no such opportunity will arise

 

Frightening at least, these thoughts are true,

Everyday while I think of you

But if you are true to your word,

You will always chase me,

Embrace me,

Laugh from deep within,

Let me place your shoulder beneath my chin.

Author's Note

A piece from a colection of lovely dreams I have expirienced. This poem is a reflection of a walk on the beach with a stranger.

Reviews

[Vironykah]

I love how you reflect your dreams in the form of this poetry. I think it is beautiful.

[Douglas Prophetic]

The imagery threw me right into the scene, as both a spectator, and a the man with the gravelly voice. Very well done. :)

[fgsgdsf]

This was beautiful. The first verse was my favorite. Probably because it reminds me of the one I love, way back in the day. Convereses, holding hands and sand. Goodness, I miss those days. But enough of my babbling about the good old days. Beautiful job!

-Allie Scemo

[Steffi]

I liked the second set where you capitolized the you and i making them stand out and be slightly more dramatic in contrast to the piece.
And as a converse lover/wearer i love the line about converses filled with sand :D

[thecoolone52]

it made me think of like highschool love... and it lasts for a little and then kinda fades.... but then some highschool love somehow makes it to the end... and i guess thats what this poem is about... it makes since and relates to us the reader.... i enjoyed it nice work!!!

[katiie]

i really like it :D there was one line that caught my attention.. lets see.. o found it! lol its

"as you envelop me within your arms" i dunno i just like this line! lol good work

[Cortnea Morgan]

Wow. That was awesome, it actually created emotion and had depth. I could actually feel the sand, and then feel it slowly slip away along with their youth. I think the second and third stanza were really good, but the very first line just kind of threw me off.

"Our sweaty hands."

This just doesn't seem to fit with the atmosphere that you are trying to create, which I cannot pin point since I am not you, but it seems to be a romantic tragedy that reads in an artsy and elegant way. I realize it could be argued that the line "Converses filled with the sands" may not go with the atmosphere I described, but in some strange way I think it fits the poem very nicely.

NOW I have to admit that I find poetry the hardest type of writing to critique, in fact you really cannot give critiques, but rather opinions as to how you think the poem should be better. SO, now I am off to give more opinions, but good ones. =)

SO i think that the second and third stanzas are pretty much amazing, and I think that the point you are getting across is very cool. It reads like a mini story, and it is very entertaining. Overall I think that it was a very well written poem. I can't wait to read more of your material.