Not worth the read.

I just had to get this out somehow.

You came home today. I saw. Your mom talked to me. She said you want the stuff you left here. I'm numb again... But not really. Since I saw you online yesterday, I haven't been the same. My stomach is constantly in knots. I can't stop thinking about you. I have been on the verge of tears for hours... for two days... It's hard to laugh, and I can't seem to cry.

Do I even WANT to see you? Do you even want to see me? I have no idea and that is killing me. I'm afraid that if I see you, it will be opening the floodgates on the emotion that I haven't let myself feel for three months.... Since the day you left.... I haven't felt an ounce of depression yet.... Three deaths, and one was the death of us.... I have cried twice, and both times I was writing you.... The day you stopped writing back, and I realized that you weren't going to... it hurt. I finally felt some pain. The day you made it known online that you were done with my existence, that hurt too. Now I might have to see you soon. Are you going to ignore me? Are you going to hug me? Yell at me? I'm not sure and it's KILLING ME!

I do want to see you. After all of the deliberation I do want to see your face. I want to be in your presence and I want you to hold me while I cry. I am sick of holding it in. I want to cry and I want you to be there and I want you to hold me. You don't have to say a word. You don't even have to care. I am going to do it. I want to see you.....