Chapter 1: A mournful view

Chapter 1 of Honor and Treachery, Introduction to our protagonist and opening plot

He watched over the body of his friend, laying there upon the straw mat within the courtyard. A simple piece of cloth draped over him, hiding his last expression from view. The white cloth fluttered softly in the cool breeze, a thick line of crimson staining it. The young student Yoshio had been slain, his life ended before his graduation and his admission into the ranks of samurai and adulthood. The boy's katana was taken from his body by some honorless dog thoughtlessly. Within the blade rested his soul as well as the soul of a dozen ancestors; with its loss, his family honor was forever tarnished.

The young warrior of only fifteen winters could not hide the expression of rage and anguish over the loss of someone so dear to him; his body trembled softly like a leaf shaking in the wind. No one approached him. No one would speak to him. There was just the sound of the wind as it pushed between the pine forest, carrying the soft scent through the air.

Fuyukaze stood at just five feet tall; his long black hair drawn in a topknot that fell down his back in a single plume. His green eyes were piercing, a trait common through the Taeshimo family. His features showed the discipline of his education: his form hardened through years of training. He was a warrior of his clan, but despite these efforts, his face and frame showed the softness of youth. His form was obscured by the charcoal gray kimono he wore; the long length trailed to just above his bare feet. Around his waist wrapped a faded blue sash, and tucked within was his own katana, a treasured family heirloom given to the boy upon the beginning of his path to become a warrior.

Surrounding the youth were others wearing grays, browns, and blues. Both the instructors and students stood silent as they looked over the fallen member of their school. The anger in the air was palpable as the silent voices cried out for vengeance, but no one spoke a word. The instructors looked uneasy, only a skeleton of their usual staff, for the senior sensei had traveled to the capital under the instructions of the lord. They could not spare any of their number to track down the murderer, they could only give word to the magistrate and hope the killer could be brought to justice. Slowly, the instructors took their students to their classes, leaving Fuyukaze alone to look over his fallen friend.

Fuyukaze sat down upon the wooden veranda, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped upon the back of his neck just staring. He remembered sparring with Yoshio, of the times they went fishing together, told jokes to one another and laughed together. They shared dreams and ambitions with one another. He questioned his mind again and again on how this could happen; his friend had went to town on a simple errand and was cut down.

He looked up towards the gate, towards the town. Slowly he pushed himself up to his feet, staggering slightly he circled only so far as to slip his feet into a pair of sandals and walked towards the gate, his intention on the castle town of Sanada and hopefully with it some answers.

Reviews

[xMiss_Psychosis_Phantom..]

Alright, I know that I was supposed to go by two chapters, but it is a little harder because there is specific things I would like to address in this chapter.

Things I enjoyed:

1) Third Person: I always enjoy a story that is third person point of view because it allows you to visualize and pay attention to more than just one character. In a way, it also pays great attention to surroundings and to the character(s) movements that could stand as symbolism, or for further reference.

2) Imagery: The way you describe and paint a picture is simply amazing. Imagery is an important part to every story, poem, book, etc. because it allows the reader to really "see" the setting or characters. It is like watching a movie, but just reading it instead. Once again, beautiful imagery.

3) Beginning: This is the first chapter of the book, and so far, it has a good starts. It draws someone in not only by the imagery provided, but also a tragedy. Who does not love a good tragedy? There is probably not a better way to catch someone's attention than having a death at the beginning of the book.

Things that could be worked on:

1) Commas: Usually, a person will either use no commas, or cause comma splicing (too many), but you happen to be a very special case with this... Not only do you not use commas commas in the appropriate places within this chapter, but you also did not use a conjunction such as "and" or "for" and I feel as if that can be worked on. It does not damage the piece terribly, but it is something that can use some work for future writing. :)

I think it is bad that I cannot point out much more to critique you about... Overall, this was a good chapter, and a good start, and I will be reviewing other chapters tomorrow morning. Have a wonderful night. :)