Brown

Broken Hearts blur the lines of sanity

Green, Yellow,Orange ,Red
Running Running Running away
Running away from him, life
The lies ,her lies, his lies, their lies
How long did I not know
How long did she know
Did she know about me the life to be
Green, Yellow, Orange, Red
Searching Searching Searching the trees
So heartless that woman cast away the truth
Did she smell my scent .See our picture in your wallet
Did she care. We you not ashamed
D id you tell her I’m your wife or am I just your sister
I saw her number.  Saw your stained collar. Shirts
The shirts I bought...Remember
Green, Yellow, Orange, Red
Finishing Finishing Finishing your burdens
Finishing me, the life to be
No need to shed fake tears, you have her your lie
But no longer me your wife, your child to be

Reviews

[Rory CJ Frankson]

From page 30 Read Requests

I felt that the way this piece is structured, was very unique. It drew you in and asked permission, to be understood. I hope that it could be re-worked and given the attention it deserves. There are some errors and spacing, miss placed commas and I think polished presentation, is important. Maybe even more so in an experimental piece.

Things such as line 12 [Did she care. {We} you not ashamed] Read this and see that it breaks the rhythme for the reader. As the phrase, has lost its meaning. Losing, its reader. Leaving me to feel the posting, was rushed...

I like the over all feel here, with its hidden elements that require real thought. So please, polish this peice.

[karmic]

Amazing poem filled with a great deal of misery. I could imagine what it most feel like to go through something like that. Great write.

[Moonflower]

This was painful to read as I have been there, in those shoes. The repitions added to this piece, which usually doesn't work for me, but I liked it. Emotionally powerful writing.

[Stripes]

The sadness of the poem is very well read. The word choice and the flow is amazing. Great job!

[Jane Doe]

:( aww!! this was so sad but so good at the same time !!!! AHHHHHHH I LOVE IT !

[?]

WOW
Such strong and powerful emotion here
Makes the reader feel the pain
of a broken heart

Love the color spectrum too, how they make the color Brown

[EMP]

this is a brilliant poem. you can feel strong anger and pain in this. I especially love the use of repetition, it's very, very effective. amazing, well done!

[Dream Weaver]

Betrayal anger and hurt all wrapped up
into one. Sadly a great write...

[Robin]

more like a crushed heart , the colors an emotional spectrum , such an outpouring here ...

[Ice QueenJen]

excellent poem and especially how such beautiful colors when mixed together they make brown....... also how you think you know someone, but really don't.
I also love the line " No need to shed fake tears, you have her your lie" showing what he has with her isn't real just a facade. Like Nicole said you captured the true essence of what pain a wife feels when she is cheated on.