Brown

Broken Hearts blur the lines of sanity

Green, Yellow,Orange ,Red
Running Running Running away
Running away from him, life
The lies ,her lies, his lies, their lies
How long did I not know
How long did she know
Did she know about me the life to be
Green, Yellow, Orange, Red
Searching Searching Searching the trees
So heartless that woman cast away the truth
Did she smell my scent .See our picture in your wallet
Did she care. We you not ashamed
D id you tell her I’m your wife or am I just your sister
I saw her number.  Saw your stained collar. Shirts
The shirts I bought...Remember
Green, Yellow, Orange, Red
Finishing Finishing Finishing your burdens
Finishing me, the life to be
No need to shed fake tears, you have her your lie
But no longer me your wife, your child to be

Reviews

[Rory CJ Frankson]

From page 30 Read Requests

I felt that the way this piece is structured, was very unique. It drew you in and asked permission, to be understood. I hope that it could be re-worked and given the attention it deserves. There are some errors and spacing, miss placed commas and I think polished presentation, is important. Maybe even more so in an experimental piece.

Things such as line 12 [Did she care. {We} you not ashamed] Read this and see that it breaks the rhythme for the reader. As the phrase, has lost its meaning. Losing, its reader. Leaving me to feel the posting, was rushed...

I like the over all feel here, with its hidden elements that require real thought. So please, polish this peice.

[bookworm]

?

[MiidniightSoul]

Wow, a beautiful and amazing write. Thanks for sharing.

[Alicia Schroeder]

WOW! That was amazing, fabulous write

[.]

that was a smack in the mouth..really powerful stuff..loved it

[Adelia Alighieri]

Made me think.
Very well written!

[Paula Tsurara]

I got a little lost in the middle of this but it brought me round at the end. It's a decent piece of work, very thought provoking and sad.

[Huggy Bear]

Lovely:)

[Senseless whatever]

This is a good interesting write. the flow of emotion mingled with thought adds to this piece a sense of longing. You covered sight and hearing, even smell missing the touch. Not really, the piece works as is great job.

[Abigail T]

I love the repetition of the colors. This is such a good piece that really captured me at first line, and held me all the ay through. Great job!