Everything is Falling Apart But I'll Put On This Pathetic Fake Smile Anyways {CHAPTER 1}

Austin(Main Character)is struggling with a break up and decides to deal with it in a not so healthy way...

    I woke up one morning. Like I do every morning, I unplugged my cellphone from it's charger by my bed and looked at the time. I also saw I had several messages. Almost every single one said something like "Woah, Austin did you see the VIDEO!?" or "Wow, did you hear what Jason did yet?" And one said "So are you going to break up with Jason after him shoving his tongue down Beth's throat?" I was so confused. Then I scrolled down on that message and there was a video. I hit play. There was Jason, sure enough, sucking on the face of Beth Perry.. all I thought right then was "What a b***h!" but then after I realized that was my boyfriend that I've been dating almost a year cheating on me with some w***e I just lost it. I was sobbing. I got up and threw his picture at the wall. I was going insane.
    Luckily my parents weren't home to hear me screaming the filthy words coming from my mouth. When they got home from where ever they were, I went to the bathroom and made myself throw up so I could fake sick. The last thing I wanted was to go to school tomorrow and see Jason... or Beth. My plan worked and I stayed home.
    That day I texted Jason and ask him what happened. I didn't want to freak out if somehow nothing actually happened. But, Jason confessed. He didn't even try to lie. He told me we were over. I was devastated. I asked him why, because I had to know. This was his exact answer. "Look at her and then look in a mirror. She's way more sexy than you and she'll actually let me get past 2nd base. Maybe lose some weight and I'll take you back. Actually you know what? Not even then. We're over and that's it. Bye Austin." I was too heart-broken to say anything back.
    I took of my shirt and looked in my full length mirror. He was right. I was 5' 4" and 116 lbs. I always thought that was good. Maybe I could go down to 100. It couldn't be that hard. I could eat healthier and eat a little less. I couldn't think about it much right then. I couldn't think much about anything at all.
    Later I got on the internet and went to Google. I typed in "How would you deal with a breakup?" I was desperate to get through this. Kind of pathetic I know but I still did it. I looked at some of the answers, like "Find a hobby or hang out with friends." and things like that. I scrolled down and there were answers like "KILL YOURSELF." And I honestly hoped they were joking. Then I saw one that said "When my boyfriend broke up with me I cut myself. I don't do it anymore but it actually seemed to help... for a few minutes anyway."
    That made me think. I knew people who cut themselves and never considered doing such a thing. It's horrible that people would do that too themselves. But what's it like? Why do people do it? Does it really help? And how? I really wanted to know for sure.
    I walked to my mom's room and went to her sewing box. I opened it up and there was a small box that had sewing needles in it. I took the box back to my room. I took a pin out and hesitantly put it to the top of my hand. I pulled away. "I can't do it," I said out loud.
    Then a voice in my head said, "Just try it. It can't be that bad. Make Jason see it and he'll feel horrible. Make him feel horrible!" I put the pin back to the top of my hand and put very light pressure and slid it across. It took a few seconds but a very thin line of tiny red beads appeared. It stung but it wasn't so bad.
    In fact, I kind of liked it. I had no control over what Jason did or the hurt I was feeling because of him.. but I had total control over this. I control how long the cut it, what I use to cut, how deep it is. I have complete control.
And I like it..

Author's Note

i hope you like it(:

Reviews

[Teenage Romeo]

thats really good. i like it check out my writing
and yes im around your age

[Naomi Roseღ]

This was really interesting, and I wonder what will happen next. But the chapter seemed to move kind of quickly. I think you should continue with it though :]