The Scarlet Messenger

This is about an old superstition that originates in my little region of the world.

The cardinal sits,

Blood-red against the

Icy pallor of

The winter's first snow.

Quite regal is he,

The harbringer of

This whitened landscape,

Beacon of the ice.

A true gift from God

Be this messenger,

His scarlet beauty

Foretells another.

But fleeting is he,

And with him goes the

Delicate snowfall,

Melting in the earth.

Come back, gentle bird!

Return the cleansing

Snow and ice to this

Desolate vista!

Leave not the pallet

Of Death upon this

Oh wretched country,

Withered and contrite!

But he cannot stop,

Cannot chance regret,

For his mission is

His life, paramount.

Frozen tears rain down

Before I stop them,

But then I see it,

A scarlet feather.

Author's Note

I need all the help I can get with this one!

Reviews

[EloisaWrites]

Wow. It will be hard to help you on this one! I can't see a missing piece or any misplacement of thoughts or words. When I read it, it just announced it own bearings and introduced me to the snow and those red things in there. I love it. Great write as always. :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

Lol, well, thank you. :)

[ZeniaK]

I didn't see any place in this poem where it needed any help at all. I thought it was beautiful, and the theme of this was great. It flowed well, too.

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you very much for your compliments and the review! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[TheLoneWriter]

It's very subtle and delicately written! I really enjoyed the imagery at the beginning and just everything was well written! My only loose suggestion would be to maybe enunciate different parts because at some points things blended together, but I am just one person with one opinion! Great piece, yet again!

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you for your compliments and criticisms! They are much appreciated, but I'm having a little trouble understanding what areas blend together. Mind pointing out a few so I know where to start working?

[TheLoneWriter]

No problem! And honestly, its just a small opinion that you may not even want to change but the part where it was

But fleeting is he,
And with him goes the
Delicate snowfall,
Melting in the earth.

Come back, gentle bird!
Return the cleansing
Snow and ice to this
Desolate vista!

As I was reading this, I felt like the two stanzas came too close together because I almost wanted a piece in between that described into more detail either the take-off or even the flight because I felt like it would've flown more smoothly in literal form. For instance, the first stanza speaks of the bird leaving, and then the second being that you want it to come back but for some reason when I read this I felt like there should be a between part like instead of merging the two concepts into the second stanza, it could've been just the flight and then just about what him leaving means (like the snow leaving with it) I know i'm ranting on mostly because I really just can't explain what Im feeling with this. Sorry, but don't get me wrong: this was still a great poem!

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you, and don't worry about it. It's your opinion, and I respect that you looked deeper into this, especially for my sake. But in the end, I think that merging those concepts is what brings out the emotion of the piece, shows that I really don't want him to leave and that I'm sad about it. But once again, this is just my opinion, and I really am glad that you looked into it for me. :)