Listen

The human struggle.

Listen and be heard,

The babe calls with a cry,

Hoping for a mother

To hold him where he lies.

Listen and be heard,

The boy calls with a shout,

Hoping for a message,

But in eternal doubt.

Listen and be heard,

The man calls through the haze,

Alone and desperate,

Stuck inside a maze.

Listen and be heard,

Death calls him to the end,

The curtains close at last,

With nothing left to mend.

Author's Note

I need to know if this is successful.

Reviews

[EloisaWrites]

This is a life story. It started with a yearning and ended tragically just like that. I like it. And yes, I think it was very successful. :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

Well, thank you. :) I'm glad it is feels successful to someone.

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid poem...:)........................

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you very much! :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)..................

[Bob Sherunkle]

Excellent .Short and stunned me at the last.Bloody good!

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thanks very much!

[ValyrieKiennan]

I believe you mean "stuck" instead of "stunk" in stanza three. Also, the last two lines of stanza two seem excessively vague; what is the boy calling to/for? You already have a "call" in stanza one; what differentiates this boy from that child? The distinction here is key, otherwise your second stanza could be considered unnecessary. The last line of the fourth stanza also seems odd; what needs to be mended at all? Why is this interesting?

Overall, the piece does have decent flow. However, I also feel that the subject matter is explored in a superficial way. I would be interested in seeing what you could do with an exploration of the problems inherent in "being heard" in a human sense, as in, "in what ways is understanding other people complicated by the fact that we lack access to their own experience base?"

Interesting read! Keep up the writing!

Cheers,

VK

[Jared Michael Smith]

Wow, thanks so much for your constructive criticisms! I will definitely try to be more clear in the future. :D