The Crash

Just another poem created from the random lines of text that popped into my head.

Shining eyes,

Like a fly's,

Speeding down

The highway.

ZOOM

Metal toys,

Buzzing noise,

Louder louder

Every day.

BUZZ

Faster faster,

Everlaster,

Until there

Comes a crash.

SPLAT

Staining red,

Mounting dead,

The bright and

Blinking flash.

Author's Note

Really crappy, I know, but I could still use some opinions. Thanks guys and gals. :)

Reviews

[Angi]

Jared, I liked the form and I liked the use of onomatopoeia in this piece. Driving on the freeway always freaks me out. This is why. Thank you for submitting and congratulations for placing in this contest. Nicely done. Angi~

[EloisaWrites]

If I may, I fully object with this as crappy. No, it's not! I REALLY, REALLY, AWESOMELY enjoyed it! It is unique, it is original, and it is beautifully peculiar. I honestly believed it popped from your head because it flows very naturally. I LOVE this. I hope I made it crystal clear with this review. :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

Lol, well thank you very much. :) I just wasn't sure that people would be able to get exactly what it was that I was describing. I'm glad someone did. :D

[EloisaWrites]

I actually read it twice because the first time I read it, I get confused with the second stanza. The first stanza made me imagine that I was the driver of a really fast car while other cars, with their headlights on, were passing on my side. I believe that that's the message of the first stanza and so I assume that the title 'The Crash' would mean that the character will soon crash because of the fast driving. So, the second stanza caught me off-guard because it talked like I was (as the character) just a spectator watching all these fast cars go by. So, I reread it and realized that all along, the character was just watching all these fast cars on the highway until the crash. And if I should note, I fell in love with those italics effects that suits every stanza. So, it became my instant favorite! Way to go! :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you! And I'm glad you found a favorite in my writing. :)