Bloody, Bloody

Bloody, Bloody,

Dark and ruddy,

Bleeding out my eyes,

You clawed them out

With poisoned nails

And left me there to cry.

Bloody, Bloody,

Dark and ruddy,

Bleeding out my hands,

My palms you scraped

With sharpened skin

And left me there to stand.

Bloody, Bloody,

Dark and ruddy,

Bleeding out my mouth,

My lips you bit

With steely fangs

And left me there to drown.

Bloody, Bloody,

Dark and ruddy,

Bleeding out my chest,

My heart you cut

With silver blades

Just like all the rest.

Author's Note

I'm more worried about the order than anything. Anything for me?

Reviews

[EloisaWrites]

I think the first three stanzas could be re-shuffled in its order if it will not leave a bad feeling on your part as the poet - I always believe that it's in a writer's instinct to feel when something's not right. But I love this poem, too! It is dark and bloody, and I love the ending you make.
This,
"Bleeding out my chest,
My heart you cut
With silver blades
Just like all the rest."
won me over. :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

Y'know, I actually had reshuffled them when I posted this... Guess I should swap them back, lol. :P And thank you, I try to make my endings some of the most important part of the poem. :) Glad it worked out with this one.

[EloisaWrites]

Yep. I noticed how you are always a bit anxious on whether you have written a good end for your poems. True to what you said, I also try to make my endings as strong. Though it might seem to you that there are lack in endings, the strength of your writing is its natural flow, the lovely construction and style, and the sincerity that we can feel with your wordings. So, let's keep writing and improve! :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

Definitely! :D