The Song

This is one of the most personal poems I have ever written. It came to me when my grandfather passed away of cancer a few years ago. :( I actually read the original version at his funeral.

I hear the beat of music,

Playing rather slow,

A violin, the clarinet,

And even a faint piano.

But it grows much weaker now,

Slowing ever more,

The sound a failing whisper,

Quiet echo of the roar.

Now the instruments are silent,

The air as still as stone,

No more sweeping symphonies,

And no more tricky tones.

The musicians take a final bow,

Their hearts not quite as strong,

And memories fill my throbbing head,

As I begin to miss that song.

But all songs have an end,

'Tis only just and right,

So as I leave this empty place again,

I say a soft "Good Night."

Author's Note

More revisions... I couldn't help myself, my writer's instinct just did NOT like some of the phrasings, but the meaning is still there.

Reviews

[Sherry]

The idea is really good - its very awe inspiring, if that is the effect you were going for? I never fiddle with my poems once they're done, so I wouldn't change anything, but maybe you like to revise them now and then. If that is the case, then maybe you should redo the last stanza, its not rhyming like all the others. Having said that, this poem has really touched me, heck it has silenced me, cant really find words to describe how I feel. Its haunting.

[Jared Michael Smith]

The last stanza originally ended with the lines "So I leave this empty place again/And say a soft 'Good Night'". I just wasn't sure if it really captured the message of the poem. But anyways, thank you for the reviews. ^_^

[Sherry]

not a problem, enjoyed reading it, you have a very Poe-ish feel.

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you very much! That is one of the highest compliments to me! Poe is my FAVORITE author! XD XD

[Jade Mayhew]

An absolutely beautiful poem; thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read it! Congratulations for earning a spot in my contest! It was amazingly phrased and the imagery painted such a perfect picture.

[Jared Michael Smith]

Well, thank YOU for reading it and placing it in your contest. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[TheLoneWriter]

I absolutely love all of your writings! Very meaningful and deep as well as relatable on a certain level! I could definitely feel emotion in your poem and I like how touching it is and I can feel the sadness covering your words, great writing!

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it and could feel the real emotion I wanted these words to show. :)

[EloisaWrites]

I love this. Your lines speak to me and I can feel all the sadness.

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you very much. :)

[justin bluebuds]

liked this one very much, it does have poe like tinge, which is a very good thing in my book!

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thanks! This one really did come from the heart, so I'm glad you like it. :-)