Poisonous

This poem was just something that came to me.

Her beauty was poison,

Ghastly green and dripping

From her skin like water,

Tainting anyone who dared

To reach out and touch.

It burned like demon-fire,

Liquid knives in the blood,

Slowly tearing apart

The soft flesh of the heart

And deadening the mind.

Only the pain it wrought

Was left for the victim,

So sickening a drug,

A slow and bitter wave,

A craving uncontained.

And that victim was me,

I partook of the venom,

Let it cover me whole

With its sickening touch,

Enslaving me eternal.

Author's Note

I tried to balance the intensity this time, but I'm never sure about these things. What do you think?

Reviews

[Sherry]

The first three stanzas make it seem like you're approving of, or at least glorifying the woman, but in the last stanza you look down upon her/scorn her, that confuses me. Also the poem kind of dipped in intensity from the first stanza onwards. The first stanza is really intense/delicious, and so is the second, the third one is saved by the amazing rhyme in the last two lines, and the fourth one, which should have been the climax, kind of fizzled out. Also, and this is really a grammar thing so feel free to ignore, in the last stanza, based on the third line which is in the present tense, the last line should also be in the present tense: until death comes to call. Having said all that, the crux of the poem is, as I said before *delicious*.

[Jared Michael Smith]

I do admit the poem is lacking in the fourth stanza, but I don't get the "glorifying" vibe from the first three. Maybe it's just because I'm the author. Anyways, I really appreciate the review. You're helping me to be a better writer, and glad for that. ^_^

[Sherry]

do more stuff like this man

[Jared Michael Smith]

Gladly. ;)

[Diella Notsu Eret]

I am in awe, this was lovely work. Honestly I don't think this needs any improvement it sounds wonderful and the words flow beautifully.
I truly enjoyed reading this. I would have to say my favorite part of this work, though, would have to be the second stanza.. "it burned like demon-fire". Chills.
Spectacular job please continue writing, I would love to read more of your work.

[Jared Michael Smith]

Thank you! I never would have imagined that this would have illicited this kind of response. I didn't think was particularly fantastic.

[Diella Notsu Eret]

Oh it was wonderful. And you are very welcome :)