I'm Stupid Because I Love You

I stared into your deep, sparkling, blue eyes for a few amazing seconds when I experienced a strong wave of love that I constantly felt for you overwhelm me. It was a powerful, warm feeling and reminded me of why I was helplessly in love with you.

I quickly shifted my gaze as the feeling became overwhelming and too intense. My eyes flickered away focusing on a single blade of grass which was alone in a crowded confusing world of green. Meters of short spiky dry grass separated us as we lay facing each other on the small school field.

What my friend was saying sounded like a soft murmur in the background which was gradually helping me to regain awareness. This wasn’t just a story or a dream this was really happening. You were really here with me. I hadn’t seen you in four months and us meeting today was unbelievable. In my head I was hysterically screaming I LOVE YOU if only you could read my mind. If only I could read yours . . .

I wanted to say something I wanted to explain how I felt, but I couldn’t I wasn’t that brave. I was feeble and weak simply pathetic. You looked so different. You weren’t wearing your signature hat and your long blonde curls had been cut replaced with a short brown wavy mess.

I loved it.

I loved you so how couldn’t I? Your swagger had become less obvious and your facial expressions less dramatic.  You seemed wiser, older, and healthier and your face seemed to glow. You looked experienced more knowledgeable of what was happening around you as if something eventful had happened to you lately to create this change. The exact same thing had happened to me so I was yet again surprised as to how compatible we were.

‘You look great.’ I muttered.

You smiled awkwardly I couldn’t tell what he was thinking or how he was processing my comment.

Wow I’m an idiot. Is that all I can say? Well at least I said something.

Every movement and word you uttered I tried to interpret constantly contemplating whether you still loved me.

When we began to walk I was aware of your strong hands firmly pulled down to your sides. I desperately wanted to reach out and tightly grasp your hand and pull you closer. I wondered whether you would have wanted me to.

The hardest part was saying goodbye. I was confused and stumbled around. Old memories flashed through my mind haunting me. I remember how we used to say goodbye . . . This was so different. I wasn’t even sure if I should hug you. Did ‘friends’ do that?

Haha friends what a joke. We could never just be friends. We would always be more than that. Always. Even you must realize what we had was unforgettable.

That night after I saw you I cried.

I cried not because I was suffering.

I cried not because I was upset.

I cried because I was happy!

This was the happiest I had been in a long while.

For the first time in ages I was smiling.

Every night I would dream about seeing you again and now I finally had.

IT FELT AMAZING!

Today I’m writing this in class because I can’t concentrate. My vision suddenly becomes blurred and I can only focus on you. On your perfect face that I miss so much. I’m still stunned. I wish people knew how I felt. I wish everyone understood. I feel lucky even though this love brought pain it brought new experiences and new feelings that I know hardly anyone my age has felt.

For once I’m HAPPY!

Everything is going to be fine. With you nothing else matters all the major horrible depressing problems I’m about to face I will no longer care about. I will only care about you. So all I need now is for you to love me back.  I never gave up on you so PLEASE don’t give on me.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

And I always will. . .

Author's Note

I wrote this then two days later I discovered that he wanted to meet up with the friend I was with rather than me. Extremely painful and I burst into tears and was hysterically crying. I can't get over a guy I went out with for 7 months. It is pathetic :(

Reviews

[Hello, Goodbye]

oh snapz.. nice.. nice..

[Angela]

It's not pathetic at all. It is lovely. The condition of the human heart. I almost missed out on this, which would have been a shame. Without breaks the piece looks daunting to read. I would hate others to pass it by because of this. The only other critique I have is for a very short while you changed from you and I to he. I would keep it static. This was a lovely read.

[Short.Nerd]

It's not pathetic and I'm sorry:( Like Fafa said its normal to feel that way. You'll move on one day, sooner than you think. :) Everything happens for a reason.

This was a great write! :) I liked feeling the emotions that were in this. Keep up the great work!

[compositionc]

Its not pathetic!!!! Never say that!
Its normal to feel such a way!

But trust me, one day, you'll totally forget about him and be a famous author making millions of dollars.

An awesome write, I could really feel the pain you felt, and anyone could understand how you were feeling.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

It is not pathetic, it is normal.........very well penned.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

@ your Author's Note: Love can sting and we all learn the hard way, but don't call it pathetic nor feel that you, yourself are. Love is easy and it hurts, but it's quite hard to fall in love with the right person. This guy... even though you may feel is a love you'll never forget, will fall from your mind when the right guy comes into your life. You are young, so don't let love's sting damage you. Love is a powerful thing and one must be careful who we loan our hearts too... otherwise we may beat ourselves up far too much to realize that we are feeling strong love, real love... when the moment arises.

Your story was great though, although very depressing and I could feel and understand your pain. Ah... the memories of young love...

[Jim Parson]

Yeah, I remember being in love at 14 and how my life would surely end because she didn't want me and how ridiculously dramatic I was. Now, I can't even remember her name. Next year, you'll say "what was I thinking?" In 5 years, he'll cross your mind once a year. In 10 years, you won't remember his name either.

[Coyote Poetry]

Don't know. Old famous wisdom from somewhere. When you allow someone to mess you up one time. It is a mistake. The second time you are a fool. The third time you are a dummy. Love is hard when you are young and hopeful. Good people will find good people in the end. Bad people rarely will change. A very strong poem. A lot of emotion and desire. A very good poem.
Coyote

[Akshat♥]

I agree with Chris..that hurt will go away with time..
Indulge yourself in other stuff so that you can forget him..
you can also talk to me if you want to...
don't be sad...i appreciate your feelings to write this one..
be calm and busy with your work and take care of yourself:)

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

The hurt will go away in time my friend. I can see the love you feel for him and that feeling, that pain of being hurt by love is indiscribable. Thank you for sharing this story.

Blessings

Chris.