I'm Stupid Because I Love You

I stared into your deep, sparkling, blue eyes for a few amazing seconds when I experienced a strong wave of love that I constantly felt for you overwhelm me. It was a powerful, warm feeling and reminded me of why I was helplessly in love with you.

I quickly shifted my gaze as the feeling became overwhelming and too intense. My eyes flickered away focusing on a single blade of grass which was alone in a crowded confusing world of green. Meters of short spiky dry grass separated us as we lay facing each other on the small school field.

What my friend was saying sounded like a soft murmur in the background which was gradually helping me to regain awareness. This wasn’t just a story or a dream this was really happening. You were really here with me. I hadn’t seen you in four months and us meeting today was unbelievable. In my head I was hysterically screaming I LOVE YOU if only you could read my mind. If only I could read yours . . .

I wanted to say something I wanted to explain how I felt, but I couldn’t I wasn’t that brave. I was feeble and weak simply pathetic. You looked so different. You weren’t wearing your signature hat and your long blonde curls had been cut replaced with a short brown wavy mess.

I loved it.

I loved you so how couldn’t I? Your swagger had become less obvious and your facial expressions less dramatic.  You seemed wiser, older, and healthier and your face seemed to glow. You looked experienced more knowledgeable of what was happening around you as if something eventful had happened to you lately to create this change. The exact same thing had happened to me so I was yet again surprised as to how compatible we were.

‘You look great.’ I muttered.

You smiled awkwardly I couldn’t tell what he was thinking or how he was processing my comment.

Wow I’m an idiot. Is that all I can say? Well at least I said something.

Every movement and word you uttered I tried to interpret constantly contemplating whether you still loved me.

When we began to walk I was aware of your strong hands firmly pulled down to your sides. I desperately wanted to reach out and tightly grasp your hand and pull you closer. I wondered whether you would have wanted me to.

The hardest part was saying goodbye. I was confused and stumbled around. Old memories flashed through my mind haunting me. I remember how we used to say goodbye . . . This was so different. I wasn’t even sure if I should hug you. Did ‘friends’ do that?

Haha friends what a joke. We could never just be friends. We would always be more than that. Always. Even you must realize what we had was unforgettable.

That night after I saw you I cried.

I cried not because I was suffering.

I cried not because I was upset.

I cried because I was happy!

This was the happiest I had been in a long while.

For the first time in ages I was smiling.

Every night I would dream about seeing you again and now I finally had.

IT FELT AMAZING!

Today I’m writing this in class because I can’t concentrate. My vision suddenly becomes blurred and I can only focus on you. On your perfect face that I miss so much. I’m still stunned. I wish people knew how I felt. I wish everyone understood. I feel lucky even though this love brought pain it brought new experiences and new feelings that I know hardly anyone my age has felt.

For once I’m HAPPY!

Everything is going to be fine. With you nothing else matters all the major horrible depressing problems I’m about to face I will no longer care about. I will only care about you. So all I need now is for you to love me back.  I never gave up on you so PLEASE don’t give on me.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

And I always will. . .

Author's Note

I wrote this then two days later I discovered that he wanted to meet up with the friend I was with rather than me. Extremely painful and I burst into tears and was hysterically crying. I can't get over a guy I went out with for 7 months. It is pathetic :(

Reviews

[lackluster]

Let the poet cry herself to sleep

[Katub]

This is, well amazing. I can't get over a guy I dated for 3 months, you must really care for whoever this is about. Like you I wish I could read his mind. You've put it all into brilliant words, emotions flooding with every line. I love this..Its not a poem like my latest peace, its a little like a story, but not. (okay that was just babble lol)
Well done!! xxxx

[Kate Hunter]

well done. I'm sorry for the outcome, but at least you can write something to rub it in his face.

[trainwreck]

This was difficult to read after I heard the end of the story. However, it was a very intense read of love before the end. Great job.

[Midnight_Mystery]

a beautiful and easy to relate to story :)

[Sarah McConnaughey]

It's not pathetic at all because I've been there myself. This is really emotional and has great detail; you described everything so well. :)

[Julie Beth]

its not pathetic i would do the same thig great job :)

[Fontane Wong]

It's not pathetic, really, it's lonely. It's a super poem in my view. It's really beautiful, Hannah, really. It's really a beautiful story. I adore it so much....so much..... Keep on writing beautiful story!

[Praiser]

To me it was just lust acting like it was love , when you wont somebody so bad and turn out not to be , my point is proven your mind had your heart to believe it was love , when you should listen to your spirit first, because his spirit didnt attract to you it was his flesh, Love is not something to love when it dont love you , when you said And I will always it is just you will always be lusting for him, yes said said but this have peoepl do when it is not love but lust , this is a super poem

[Lindsey]

It's not pathetic it's emotional and very hard. I liked it a lot it's really very good.