Fate

The calm atmosphere was disturbed by my painful cries,
as I realize I'm imprisoned in a world tarnished with lies.

You are my life, you are my everything, I love you even though I shouldn't
even though you don't love me and it's obvious now that you wouldn't.

I'm desperately struggling to decide what to do,
do I finally define how I feel to you?

I'm like a piece in a evil malicious game of chess,
each small move is significant and determines the outcome of this mess.

It's like I'm trapped in a tall building being swallowed by fierce deadly flames.
Do I burn? Or jump? These are the choices in fates sadistic games.

I'm screaming hysterically I LOVE YOU in my mind,
so why can't I utter these words and witness what I find.

I abandon all hope by insisting that you will never love me,
but you loved me once so I should consider it maybe.

Today the radio tortured my heart by playing our song,
I pathetically crawled away which I knew was wrong.

My thoughts are consumed by you every day and every night,
I am stunned and confused as to how our love ended after one fight.

I want you, I miss you, I need you this is obviously true,
so why can't I simply confess that to you?

Reviews

[McNamara]

This second of these two lines stood out especially for me

'I'm screaming hysterically I LOVE YOU in my mind,
so why can't I utter these words and witness what I find.'

It's a gift to write so clearly about emotions like this, considering these are thoughts that we might go over repeatedly in our minds reducing or abstracting them constantly till we can't think straight. It can be hard to focus our thoughts. The witness line is tremendous.

[sarah]

Sometimes it's hard to admit to the person you love most in the world that you miss them because of our uncontrollable pride and stubbornness, and we get this feeling of defeat, like we lost some how. But when we sometimes forget is that if we don't suck up our pride then we have truly lost because we lost the one we love most in the entire world. This is a really really great write! I have been in this situation before so I can relate great write!

[absolutefolie]

Wow. I really don't think I've read anything that captures this feeling so amazingly how you have. I feel like this at the moment, and I've tried writing about it, but you sum up all the feelings in this one poem, and you've done a fantastic job. Well done! X

[Lindsey]

This was easy to follow and understand even at a young age. It is the language of ones aching heart that connects this to people and it is a good lesson to find.

[Matthew Smith]

This was a nice poem. It flowed well, for the most part, but you should probably capitalize the first letter in each line.

Also, I'd suggest removing "evil" in "piece in a evil malicious game of chess". If not, you might want to change "a" to "an".

Good poem, though. Just a little bit of work to be done and it'd be much better.

[Alexis]

This was an incredible poem. Your rhyming was wonderful, the flow was good, and just the story within the poem really kept my interest. This poem you have here was such a joy to read! You're very talented and you must keep writing! :D

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

An instant classic, it reminds me of the writing of 18th century poets, well researched piece with a flawless delivery, well done.

[Katub]

This is utterly amazing. I was hooked from the first line.

[Julie Deshtor]

Hannah,

May we correspond privatly on this? Please, email me, if you don't mind. :)

[Kate Hunter]

well done. cute and sweet. Keep at it. You're a very talented writer.