You Watched Me Die

The distance between us was painful. We walked in silence beneath the dark night sky which was a black blanket speckled with small bright flickering stars. The world felt abandoned as if we were the only people alive. Intimidating houses towered over us concealing the peaceful people that calmly slept curled up in their warm beds their minds undisturbed. The world was a different place at this time of night. It was a cruel, frightening and dangerous place stained with a constant feeling of fear. The last few months I had only seen you in my dreams so your presence here tonight felt unreal and this eerie dream-like atmosphere did not help.

‘Why are we here?’ You asked your confused voice seemed to echo through my mind.

‘I need to talk to you.’ I answered timidly.

Our relationship had broken up months ago and so had my heart. My heart had been tortured, imprisoned, burned and smashed leaving me a weak struggling mess.

The long flat road before us abruptly finished and the expanse of the black hungry ocean roared loudly below, brutally pounding the large strong rocks. Sinister trees with their cruel thin branches covered the cliffs harsh edge beckoning for us to come closer.

‘We’re here’ I muttered.

‘So what do you want to talk to me about?’

How could I approach this? The task ahead seemed almost impossible.  What should I say?

‘Hannah, tell me what is wrong?’

‘It’s not wrong . . . it’s right. It has always been right.’

You hesitated an unsettled expression flickered across your face.

‘What are you talking about what has always been right?’

‘You. . and me that’s what has always been right. You and me together.’

I paused peering at him through my lashes my eyes slightly closed anticipating the antagonizing rejection I was about to receive. Though the silence remained so I decided to continue.

‘I … love you. I still do and I always will. I never stopped. I miss you so much. I know I said things, but I’m begging for you to forgive me. Some couples forgive each other for bigger things such as cheating because they realize how strong their love is and that the mistakes they make can only make them stronger. Why don’t we just forget the world screw reality and live our dream-like fantasy together one more time. When I look back at my past all I can remember is the time I had with you because those were the best days of my life. I never even knew it was possible to be that happy and I never realized it was possible to be this sad now that I am without you. At school I would sit in class smiling staring at the clock because I knew that every minute that went past would be one less minute I would have to wait until I saw you. You are amazing, special and perfect. I realize this and I can treat you special not like some random girl who treats you as if you’re just another boy. Because you are not you are more than that and you will always be more than that especially to me. To me you are my life to me you’re everything. I will always be here to help you I will always be here to love you. No one will ever love you as much as I do.  I can’t imagine being with anyone else because I have tried and it’s impossible. Even once my life is over I know that I will never find another person as amazing as you and I will never experience anything like the unforgettable moments I had with you.  I love everything about you there is nothing not to like The first time you talked to me after our relationship had ended was the first day I had smiled since I lost you. When I received your message I ran to my friend’s house not caring if I was late to school and by the end of the day everyone in my class knew that you were talking to me again. You once said to me that you wished this would last forever. Well it still can! Time was once are enemy, but we could make it our friend. We could have all the time in the world if only you wanted it. If I had you I wouldn’t need anyone or anything else. You were the one person that gave me the motivation to get up in the morning now I have no reason without I have no one. I never realized what I had until it was gone. You will never know how much I love you. You taught me how to love, but you never taught me how to stop.’

I exhaled deeply my voice finally faded echoing into the still night air disturbing the small animals that lifted their heavy heads hypnotized by the mysterious black and white environment of the night.

‘Wow.’ You whispered stunned and surprised by my revelation.

I stared transfixed upon your face eagerly awaiting a reply.

‘Hannah. . ‘You began.

 

‘I don’t love you.’

 

I heard my heart ripping those four words destroying my world. My heart was burning threatening to burst into flames only leaving a black shriveled ruined mess on the wet grass beneath my trembling feet. This pain was overpowering as I bent over in agony desperately holding my stomach as I felt as if I was about to explode. Why do I love you this much and why can you easily throw me away like a piece of unwanted rubbish. How is it so easy for you to forget me? Forget what we had? Forget everything? Why must I be the weak, pathetic one? WHY DO I LOVE YOU WHEN YOU WILL NEVER LOVE ME!

I stood their shaking violent tremors rippling through my body.

‘I. . . knew. . . you. . . would. . . say. . . that.’ I managed to breathe.

‘Then why did you bring me here?’

‘So I could do this . . ‘

I suddenly decided to turn around I started to sprint, tears flooding from my eyes blurring my vision as I raced through the trees that were almost as evil as you.  As I ran I emitted a high-pitch scream that pierced the unnerving silence of the night.

‘HANNAAAAH!’

I heard you cry your voice a mere whisper in the night as I blocked you out. You would never be able to hurt me again. Never.

I reached the edge and became paralyzed as I was enchanted by the sinister charm of the ocean softly calling me reaching out for me with its long black claws that climbed up the cliff’s edge.

I quickly began my descent clambering down the rocks.

‘STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?’ You had finally reached my destination and you were screaming at me helplessly.

‘Actions speak louder than words. I can tell you how much I love you, but now this is my chance to show you to prove to you that I really I can’t live without you. ‘

And with that. .  . I jumped.

The icy water welcomed me gathering me into a deadly embrace forcing me under. I thrashed around desperately fighting of the viscous monster waves. The I stopped struggling as I realized why I was doing this. I had already lost everything losing my life really doesn’t matter. I had no reason to live.

I finally relaxed allowing myself to sink beneath the surface to be gently pulled downwards and it was then I saw you through the distorted reflection of the ocean’s surface the glowing moon casting a beam of glittering light. I saw you standing casually, mercilessly watching me drown. Watching me die.  

My body drifted downwards my arms and legs outstretched as if I was slowly falling. This was peaceful. This made me forget. Forget the pain. Forget you.

Suddenly something grabbed me. Was it you? Was it your soft strong hands pulling me towards you? No it couldn’t be I could still see you motionlessly scanning the ocean with your eyes.

Then what was this?

Then I realized. It was Death. This was death’s malicious embrace emptying my body and stealing my soul.

I was dying.

I was dying not because I was drowning.

I was dying because my heart had finally broken and stopped beating.

I was dying because I would always be nothing without you and I would never have truly ever lived again.

Reviews

[trainwreck]

Emotions are a scary thing. Your imagery was very strong, and really fit the theme. The lover throwing herself over the cliff was a great twist, as well as Death's embrace. The idea of Death's embrace is just amazing. Good job.

[shedevil]

it was extermely emotional, and i loved the concept. the broken hearted throwing themself to a tragic end. however so of your metaphores could have been a little less wordy to recieve more of an imapct. overall great piece

[Fontane Wong]

A emotional story. It's really painful, but fantastic. I really heart-broken piece of writing by you. I can feel how she was. I like it very much.

[Ohmandyyy]

this is really wonderful. Painful yes, but wonderful. :)

[Lindsey]

wow this is an amazingly emotional story. It was exciting to read through the whole thing and I feel like I could really feel what she was. I really like it.

[Megan S.]

I normally do long reviews talking about everything I liked and disliked about the story, my favorite line. A review that takes hundreds of words. This story, I could not do that with. I enjoyed the last three lines, and I enjoyed the emotion of the story, the fact that she felt empty, lost, broken, hurt... and finally numb as she let it all go, but overall, I just couldn't sink into the story like I wanted to. You had too many run-ons and sentence errors which kept me from being able to get into this, and also the jumping into the water, killing herself over a boy- yes, a boy she was certain she was totally and abolutely, 100% in love with, but still- just felt like it simply wasn't enough, wasn't what she would have done, what she should have done, but this is not something meant to beat you down. I think it was a wonderful story, and as I can see, this story worked for a lot of people, so you keep on writing, and don't worry about my opinion, you have a lot of fans! I'm not gonna rate because it really wouldn't be fair.

[Aurora Lynn]

Wow. Just, wow. I really liked this story. The title drew me in, because I thought that 'you watched me die' as in mentally, like my heart breaking. But I didn't know that you meant both.

This poem was full of emotion, which really brought it to life. A lot of stories like this are dull, and though they try to write with emotion it doesn't come out this way. This story was the opposite, and that was good. I also agree with RM Americano when he said that wanting to die but not welcoming Death itself was an odd thing, and it confused me as a reader.

My favorite line had to be the last ones, when you said 'I was dying.
I was dying not because I was drowning.
I was dying because my heart had finally broken and stopped beating.
I was dying because I would always be nothing without you and I would never have truly ever lived again.'
You can feel the emotion in these lines.

A very good read. Thanks for writing!

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Wow. This story took something out of me.
Incredibly sad..but terrific writing.

[Julie Beth]

whoa this was really sad but i couldn't stop reading this you are an amazing writer this was excellent you have a lot of talent excellent job i loved it :D

[Midnight_Mystery]

wow, emotional but great!