Without You

My cold, black heart

Tore us apart.

Your absence leaves my mind dark

As you’ve left a irremovable mark.

I’m trapped in a painful maze with no escape,

Except to be back in your arms which I will never make.

Change has grasped me in its beastly claws

A agonizing reminder of our recent wars.

I wish they could see you the way I do

I wish you knew how much I love you.

You are perfect in every way.

As perfect as the moon and stars which beneath we once lay.

Your hypnotizing eyes that let me know everything was allright

And your floppy blonde hair that causes me to regret our fight.

I love your amazing smile when it spreads across your face

And the way you laugh makes my heart race.

I could stay with you for hours and not talk

Or silently hold your hand as we walk.

No one will ever love you as much as I do

I hope you can see that is true.

Every day is just another day without you,

And it pains me to realize there is nothing I can do.

After everything I did after everything I said,

I deserve to be rotting in the ground cold and dead.

You are the one I live for,

Without you there is nothing more.

What we had is to hard to forget

It’s like when you lose everything after one wrong bet.

I should crawl away and die

because saying I could live without you is a lie.

 

Reviews

[Shelby]

I must say, an impressive poem. The rhythm got lost a few times and a few of the rhymes were forced, but overall, this is quite good. I especially love the opening lines, which were a cut above most opening lines. One comment: you wrote "a irremoveable mark" and it should be an irremoveable mark. This is a very painful subject and you wrote about it honestly, openly, and eloquently. Thank you for sharing.

[Alicia Schroeder]

Words of anger always turn into regret, as you've greatly expressed in this write, sounds like the one you loved, slipped away. This was a great write..

[compositionc]

This one seems so much deeper.
The poem suggests someone is dead and that the voice (you, I think, or another narrator) is really dying inside from the loss.

[Adam Smith]

I enjoyed this poem. I liked the near-rhyme of claws and wars, and I really think the final line is very appropriate and it's simply a great line. Almost lyrical. There is a lot of repitition, but I guess it helps to express the pain. I get a real sense of hopelessness and finality. Thanks for letting me read it. Adam

[Katub]

Great flow and understanding of the ideas of love and how you have to live with the person to be alive. you must have/do really love this person. It's beautiful and made me want to cry. Utterly wonderful!

[trainwreck]

The last two lines were really powerful. Good job.

[Julie Beth]

this is really good i could paint a picture in my head of everything that was going on you are a really good writer outstanding job :D

[Midday_Mystery]

Nice flow good rhythm and an excellent write... I must say you have surprised me.

[Coyote Poetry]

"Your hypnotizing eyes that let me know everything was allright"
A very strong poem of love. Love lead us into many directions. I believe timing is very important. A black heart is hard to break open. I like the complete poem. A very good ending to a excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[iamkim]

Another excellent poem from you Hanna! I love the way how you write down what you feel. You are a genius writer! I wish I could write as good as you :)

This is very heartbreaking. It made me feel the hurt while reading the lines. I could easily relate to your heartbreaking poems as I too have been hurt. I also used to write like this, but I am not as good as you.

Keep em coming Hanna!

Kim :)

[KAREN]

Nice job! Great expression of emotions!