Ceramic Hug

My experience is not firsthand,

I’ve only ever used a toothbrush to brush my teeth

But through another I’ve hugged the toilet

even though I’ve never been strong enough to let myself grow weak,

My horrible thoughts could not keep me away,

I’d try to make myself beautiful

But the commitment to starvation could never be made

My eating disorder;

a common illness throughout all time

Binging on emotions and then purging through my eyes

My soul becoming so frail

my heart always fluttering

It isn’t visible from the outside but my thoughts have become

hard as bones.

Jutting ribs and caved in cheeks,

Constant hyperventilation and sucked in voids

I’ve tried to wear a smile

But this pain is stuck within me like a thorn

My eating disorder,

I cannot rid these urges

I starve myself from feelings

to prevent the need for purging

My experience with gag reflexes is not firsthand,

Physically my throat is fine

But my mind is lined with acidic thoughts

And my eyes must always cry

I’ve tried to make myself beautiful,

but I am a scary place

and this habit has not made beauty mine.

Reviews

[Steve]

Well done. Honest and insightful. Very disturbing subject, but you make it clearer.