Wonder.

This is a simple story through the thoughts of a boy (and age and description the reader senses) about a girl. This is my first story so I hope everyone likes it and sees beauty within it.

I used to think, Why can't she see the way I look at her? Why can't she love herself the way I love her? I almost lost her once and I will never have that feeling again. I swear it. She has love, she just doesn't fully realize it. She's dorky, beautiful, smart, funny, and I loved her. I still do. I just couldn't say it to her. I had wondered, What if she doesn't feel the same way? What if she doesn't want me? Now I know. 

I know, I know this sounds like a classic love story of we both love each other without knowing it but really, it's not. 

This is the story of how she stayed and I left. 



She once asked why I hung out with her. Why I always had stuck around. I answered with I just do. She wouldn't take it. To her, her life was like a metaphor. Not the TFIOS metaphor kind but the one of her life being like hell, so technically a simile but metaphor just sounded better I guess. Without me she would be alone. No one to love her. At least that's what she though. So I stayed. Not because I pitied but because I wanted her to know She was loved. She lived in books. They were her world. She could escape to a new world in them. That's what I think I loved most about her. The fact that no matter how crappy her life was she could just have a moment to escape it all. Even when she had me. Sometimes I wondered if I was enough. 

I wondered what she thought of me. I wanted to know if she truly needed me like I needed her. It was thought that I was in the world for her, because she was the different one. But it was really the opposite. If I hadn't had her I wouldn't have been able to stay very long. She stayed, she never has left. One day she will gone but not now. Not anytime soon and that's all I had hoped for. I just want to know if she needed me for the time we had. I mean, I wonder if she only stayed for me. Did she know that's why I was there? Did she know that the only reason I was able to stay was because of her? I just want to know if my reasoning for being there was what I had wanted. 

I wonder. A lot. It's apparent. It's obvious. It's fairly silly actually. I wonder because when you are in a place where nothing in certain and everything is wonderful, you can only wonder. You can't be certain about anything. You can only assume, but wonder is a much more wonderful word. At least I believed that, at least she believed that. 

She was like a light at the end of the dark tunnel of life. Cheesy, I know, but so very true. Where I'm from it rains. A lot. And I mean a lot but having her next to me meant it wasn't raining, that it wasn't pouring, just sprinkling because I mean, it was raining.

I can swear that when she was around everyone was joyful. Everyone was communicative. No one was being a lonely Willy in the corner like in grade school. It feels like that whole room could be in love. And as strange and gross as that may sound it's sort of true. I mean not literally but metaphorically. As I said before, the girl loves her metaphors, and this one is an actual one. 

I've had one true wish in life. Only one. I mean, if I had a genie, three would be just dandy but sadly I have had no such luck. But that one wish was for her and only her. She never realized the love she shared and never realized how much love was given. She might not have had a home life that was dreamily and she might not of had many others besides me but she had love. She just never really knew it. She was loved so much more than she could have ever imagined. So what if most came from me? It was something. She was something. And that something was the something I had lived for. That's my wish. My one wish. To know. 


She hadn't fallen in love when we met, I mean, we were little kids but it's the concept that I'm getting to here. I don't believe she ever did fall in love. She didn't date. She only kissed one person ever. I guess I shouldn't be judging because she isn't the only one. I kissed one beauty during my years. Just one. She was the only one I wanted to kiss but there was one slight problem...she doesn't remember it. At least I don't think she does. It was her. She was asleep. I wasn't trying to be creepy just romantic like in one of those chick flicks. I guess I was wrong because I have a feeling it really wasn't that romantic. I mean, who knows, maybe it was magic and she just hasn't realized. Even if it's a little late to realize. 

Past tense. Had. Was. -Ed endings. Yep. It's true. I'm no longer part of the magnificent Earth. She's there. She will be for a long time. She thanked me. When she saw me in my worst possible state. She thanked me for being a hero. I was no hero. She is. I wasn't. Never will be. I didn't save her from a train or a killer. I didn't save her. I just happen to be with her at that moment. That's all. Being a hero is being a hero. I'm no longer on earth. I'm not there because I was a lover, not because I was a hero. I didn't save anyone. To be true, I was saved not her. I loved her at that moment and acted on it. There is a hole in my chest because of donkeys from her past life. From her terrible life. All because of her parents. I stepped in front of her and took it. I found my love. I had lived my life she hadn't so I moved my position on the gravel. I didn't save anyone I just gave her more time. Time is a gift that I gave. I wasn't a hero. I'm not a hero. 

She always knew I loved her but she didn't know in the way she should have. I didn't just lover her. I don't just love her. I'm in love with her. I was in love with her. She didn't know. At least if she did she didn't show any signs of it. No awkwardness at all. Non what so ever. So I guess I got one sign. A sign of being a loving friend. Yep, my mates, I was friend zoned but I didn't, I don't, care. She loved me. Not in the way I wanted. But hey, it was a form of love. That's all I needed from her. Only Hope. A Walk To Remember. Her favorite song. Her favorite movie. The one song barley known. The one Nicholas Sparks movie always forgotten. Love he said it first. Landon said it to Jamie first. Beauty. He said it first. Of course she would say handsome but whatever. Landon called Janie beautiful first. I called her beautiful, amazing, perfect first. She blushed first. I said I love you. She thought it was a friendly gesture so she said it back. She said I love you. She blushed and called me handsome. But it was different. Different meaning. Jamie said I love you with the same meaning as Landon. She said I love you with a different meaning to me. Only hope. Landon was Jamie's only hope as happiness and true love. She was my only hope. My only hope at being in love. My only hope at everything. Everything. But I was her only hope as a person. Her only hope of someone standing next to her. It's different. So different. That's our relationship I guess. Just different. So different.

Everyone thought she would be the one to leave me not the other way around. I guess you could say I gave her one last surprise. No. Just no. Ok, so that sounds horrible. Forget that was said. She would do these little rituals, I guess as a goodbye in case something was to happen to her. She said that it was her safety net so that if she left me she knew she had the chance to say good bye. It was a yearly thing and she always organized it. My favorite foods, her favorite movies and our favorite music. I loved those hours. She never knew I was leaving. She never guessed I was. I organized that last ritual. It was my goodbye to her. My last moment to share our love, whether the same or not. My last hours were perfect. That goodbye was all I needed to know she would be ok. It helped me realize that whether by her side or just watching over her, I could still be there. No matter what. I'd have a way. My last moment with her was perfect. My last moment was full of love. My last moment was a dream to me. 

She said it. She looked. She said it the same way. She looked at me the same way. She loved me the same way. 
"I love you ______ and I know this is our last goodbye so I want you to know. I love you. I truly do." 
How did she know? I was so secretive with this. I guess that's what I get for keeping a big secret from my best friend. The one who knew me better than the rest. Finally. My last moment was a dream. My dream. I knew in that moment that she was mine and I lived for what I was born to do. And what I was born to receive. Love. Her love. My love. All a dream. My dream. All I needed. All I wanted in my life. 
"I love you. I've always wanted to know you felt the same way. I love you." 

The last words said were just was I needed to be able to l leave. 
"Goodbye, Jason. I love you. Don't forget it. And don't ever leave me. Always stand how much my life is a simile just at my side. No matter what." 
"I swear on my last breath. Always. I love you, Alice. Goodbye." 
That was it. That was perfect. That was a dream. 

"I swear...." I was gone. I had used my last breath. 


Love is the wonder of life and death. Wonderful and different. 

Author's Note

Please critique all you would like. I would love some feedback!

Reviews

[Kayt Shehata]

I love it! Just a couple pointers, there are some grammatical errors, also I think you need to develop your characters, give them a background story. It will add more and make the story more interesting. Other than that it was great, very easy to relate to if ever in love.

[Hannah Porter]

Thank you so much! That's a really good idea.