Judy

I love Judy Garland; she was one of a kind. This poem is dedicated to her.

She sings as she skips for miles.

She sings as she clicks her heels.

She sings and the sun smiles.

She sings and the universe reels.

The talent this girl had

No 16-year-old knows.

The studios sometimes made her sad,

But still that wondrous talent grows!

The songs that made others run

To Judy were just child’s play.

With every note, she would stun

As she lamented ‘The Man That Got Away’.

Now, although we’ll never see another show,

Judy Garland sings to us from ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’!

Author's Note

I know the meter is off, but I wrote this one more for the content than the technicalities.

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

A lovely ode to a famous singer, actor, dancer, etc…. One sho suffered a plenty
but was already a star at twenty. I like your theme and your rhyming.
Thanks for sharing.
Best
Betty

[Divine Miss M]

Thank you, Betty! Judy was a wonderful inspiration, so I'm glad you liked my poem.

[Betty Hermelee]

You’re very welcome

[JayG]

Several things…

First, you should get to know Judy’s daughter, Lisa Minnelli, who was even more talented than her mother. The link below shows her first public performance, on the Jack Paar show, in 1963. After booking her, she broke her leg. Jack wanted to delay her appearance, but she said no. Then, on the day of the show, she tripped and broke her arm in the Lady’s room at the studio, but still insisted on singing that day.

So Jack, who had been told by Judy not to give her true name till after the performance, told a story about a band of Gypsies who had camped outside the studio, and left her behind. He introduced her under the name: Dujy Landgar. The rest is history.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOp_EZo53FA

The poem:

Like most of us, you’ve fallen into the trap of rhyme, where the focus of the piece is rhyming. But hold that view and, we will bend the line to the needs of rhyming rather than focusing on the thought being expressed.

What we miss is that the rhyme is an accent, and part of what’s called prosody, the rhythmic flow of words. And we miss it because of something we’re not mentioned in school: The only approach to writing that we’re taught is nonfiction. Why? Because that’s what we’ll need on the job, and the entire purpose of public education is to ready us for life as an adult. Professional skills are acquired in addition to these general skills.

So, while you might get an assignment to write a poem, or a story, such assignments are rare, with most requests for reports and essays, which have, as their goal, informing the reader—talking TO them. And given that it’s the only set of writing techniques you own, at the moment, you write in that style.

In both your fiction and poetry, you talk TO the reader, in overview and summation—as you’ve been taugh—providing facts in the format: “This happened…then that happened…and after that.

But the goal of fiction and poetry is VERY different. Its techniques are emotion, not fact-based, and character-not author-centric. Instead of telling the reader we cried at a funeral, for example, we give the reader reason to weep. Make sense? But...are you being taught how to do that in school? Was the word prosody even mentioned? How about the short-term scene goal in fiction?

Did a single teacher talk about the flow of stressed syllables in poetry, or the elements of a scene in fiction, and why they’re so different from the same thing in film? See the problem?

You have the desire, the perseverance, and the themes, but, you need more: the techniques unique to fiction and poetry—the tools the pros take for granted. And as a byproduct of owning them, you’ll possibly end up with better grades in English—and, be able to correct your teachers with quotes by professional writers of fiction and poetry.

Here’s one by E. L. Doctorow: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” None of the writing techniques you’ve been given can do that, because the goal of nonfiction is to inform, not move the reader, emotionally.

So…first, poetry:

Jump over to the Shmoop site. It’s a great resource on many subjects. Log in as Student.

Then, use the button next to the midpage search window to select, Poetry. They have lots of great poems there, analyzed extensively, to show how and why they were so successful.

In fact, for a prime example of how prosody can get your reader literally falling into the beat of the poem, read Stephen Service’s, The Cremation of Sam McGee. It’s fun, and the ending will bring a smile:
https://www.shmoop.com/cremation-sam-mcgee/poem-text.html

Then, for a great introduction to how to do that, read the excerpt to Stephan Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled. You will be amazed at the things you never noticed about how we use language.

And finally, download a copy of Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook. Among other things, you’ll learn that there are more vowels than you thought.

Next, Fiction:

The library is a huge resource (but not the school library). If you can, find a copy of Debra Dixon’s, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It’s a warm, easy read, and is the second best book on fiction-writing technique I’ve found. In it she covers something I’ve seen no other book mention: why the line, “Sue smiled when she saw Davy in the doorway,” should be avoided (Sue smiles BEFORE she sees him, placing effect before cause. But for Sue, who's living the story, cause must come before effect. Phrase it as I show here and we’re not with her, we’re hearing it second-hand from the author, who’s neither on the scene nor in the story.) For as beautiful example of why we can't do that, jump over to YouTube and watch the trailer to, Stranger Than Fiction.It's a film that only a writer can truly appreciate.

If you can’t get or buy a copy of Deb's book, Dwight Swain’s, Techniques of the Selling Writer, recently came out of copyright protection. It's the best I've found, to date, at imparting and clarifying the "nuts-and-bolts" issues of creating a scene that will sing to the reader. The address of an archive site where you can read or download it free is just below. Copy/paste the address into the URL window of any Internet page and hit Return to get there. It’s written for adults, and while it’s a great book, you may find it a bit dry. But on the other hand, it’s free, so…

https://archive.org/details/TechniquesOfTheSellingWriterCUsersvenkatmGoogleDrive4FilmMakingBsc_ChennaiFilmSchoolPractice_Others

And for what it may be worth, the articles in my WordPress writing blog are based on the kind of thing found in such a book.

So…given that you were hoping for comments, not a fire-hose pointed in your direction, this might come as a shock. But given the limitation the tools you currently own place on you, you’re doing surprisingly well. And since we’ll not address the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you would want to know.

But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Divine Miss M]

Thank you so much for your wonderfully detailed review! I know I'm not a great writer; I only write because I enjoy it. We have never written fiction at school or looked at poetry yet!
As for this piece, when I was writing it, I didn't specifically look for rhymes; I wanted to present a poem that celebrates the life and talent of one of my favourite entertainers, rather than focus on the technical side of the writing.
I do know Liza Minnelli; I was very impressed with her performance at Carnegie Hall for Sondheim's birthday in 1995.
But thank you again for your comment-I do want to improve. I simply use reading books and watching films as my teaching for literary ventures.