Through my eyes

Through the eyes of a caregiver, Of someone with brain cancer.

Would you care to look
Through my tear-stained eyes
Would you care to understand
Why, sometimes, I cry

A love that is different
Difficult too, at times
Watching him suffer
This sickness should be a crime

No, it's not at all easy
Watching his memory fades
Will he even remember me
Yes, I am afraid

Seizures gripping his body
Helplessly, I watch him faint
Violently convulsing
He is in so much pain

I feel it too
I feel his pain
It grips my heart
As I call his name

Will he wake up
Will he answer
Or is this the last time
Eyes closed, as I say my prayers

Sometimes it's just easier to forget
To pretend that he is okay
"He'll be alright"
To everyone, I say

Truth is
I don't know
Truth is
I'm scared to know

The results of the MRI
The results of his scans
I'm scared to know
What is in God's plans

I see him smile
His usual cheerful self
He laughs and jokes
As if all is well with his health

I smile along with him
I giggle at all his jokes
But what he doesn't know
Is the fear that I cloaked

For I know it hurts him too
To watch me in tears
I know he knows
My deepest darkest fears

My dear,
I know you are reading this
I will always be here
Whatever the outcome is

I love you.

Always have.
Always will.

Even if you don't remember my name.

Reviews

[annabellee]

this is a very sad but yet so sweet poem. Especially the last lines touched me so much
I love you.
Always have.
Always will.
Even if you don't remember name.
Reminds me of my granddad who has dementia.
Gorgeous write, very moving and so honest.
thank you for sharing this :)

[Hana Saemon]

Hi annabellee, thank you so much for your kind words. im glad you are able to relate to this. it is very difficult to see someone you love in a situation like this and feeling so helpless. thank you again!

[annabellee]

you're most welcome :)

[Nkosana B Masuku]

" My dear,
I know you are reading this
I will always be here
Whatever the outcome is
I love you.
Always have.
Always will.
Even if you don't remember my name" makes me wana shed a tear.im truly touched.Beautiful poem

[Hana Saemon]

Thank you for taking your time to read and comment! I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you!

[Chris]

I paused here too... no words are left - wish there were.

You take care.
Chris

[Hana Saemon]

thank you chris :) you too and everyone who is going through similar experiences.

[Sam]

Beautiful to see you could catch each tear.... and each fear in a bottle and tell it's story. I have never read a more beautifully written tribute like this. I love the flow, the words, the message. They all go hand in hand. You have a real talent to share the pains of life with just a pen in hand. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed seeing the world threw your heart.

[Hana Saemon]

Hi Sam, thank you for your kind words. im deeply humbled by such beautiful words "you could catch each tear.... and each fear in a bottle". thank you for taking your time to read this :)

[Sam]

Always! I will read more in time. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

[Zahra]

A wonderful poem, liked the natural flow of emotions. Well penned

[Hana Saemon]

Thank you! :)

[Broken Wings]

What a beautiful tribute to love, pain and all that in between.
" My dear,
I know you are reading this
I will always be here
Whatever the outcome is
I love you.
Always have.
Always will.
Even if you don't remember my name."
Such beautiful heartfelt words. Wishing you and your partner all the best through these difficult times. Dwell in your love for each other, for it is truly beautiful

[Hana Saemon]

thank you! :)

[Traci]

This is a very sad, yet beautiful write because there is so much love and compassion in each word. We are all affected by cancer somehow, unfortunately for me I was a caregiver for my mother. I understand the emotions involved, the fear, the sorrow, the helplessness, yet we remain strong for our loved ones. Stay strong and take care of you as well...

[Hana Saemon]

It is lovely to know of others who understands my situation. As I've said in an earlier comment, it makes me feel less alone and more hopeful. As a caregiver, all we wanna do is provide the best and show them love, but it is sometimes difficult battling through the different emotions. We can't break down cause they depend on us, but sometimes all we wanna do is cry our hearts out. Thank you for your feedback, it really means a lot to me. :)

[Traci]

My pleasure. You are never alone, there is always someone who truly understands how you are feeling. I felt the same way, many, many times. In her presence (and especially in front of my daughter) I stayed strong, but when I was alone I cried my heart out every chance I got. You can't keep it bottled up inside, and must take care of you, otherwise you will drown in the sorrow. You are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, stay strong.

[Hana Saemon]

Thank you so much! Your words really mean a lot to me. I am thankful to have met people like you, cairo and lori. Thank you!

[DJ]

Wow, that is amazingly emotionally gripping. Although I can't imagine the fear and sorrow you feel for your loved one, this poem gives me understanding from a caregivers point of view. I can imagine that my better half, my caregiver, feels similar to how you do. Stay strong, I hope you and your other half live long and love always. Cancer is terrifying, but love overcomes it all. It's okay to break down, it's okay to be scared, you don't always have to be strong. Take care my friend.

[Hana Saemon]

Thank you! It's great to read different perspectives, and I guess my partner feels the same way as you do too. What is even greater is knowing that I am not alone and there are others in the same situation too. Somehow, it gives me more hope that it will really be okay in the end. And whatever the outcome is, we know that we have loved.

[Ravyne Hawke]

This is sad and beautiful at the same time. It is hard being the caretaker of one with cancer. My husband tended to me while I went through chemo earlier this year. He was very brave and never showed me any fear. Of course, I had enough for both of us. I am sure he is very grateful for your love and help. You don't always have to be the strong one though. I am sure he already knows how heartbreaking this is for you. Beautiful words.

[Hana Saemon]

I hope you are recovering well, and that you are responding to chemo. Chemo is nasty, and it is really painful to watch. But as a caregiver, we just can't afford to break down because the other person is depending on you. I'm glad you have a strong supporter by your side. Every cancer patient needs that. There is another writer and I think he has cancer too. His writings are beautiful. Look for Cairo Dante. I am sure you can relate to him as well.

[Ravyne Hawke]

Thank you, Hana.. I finished my chemo in March. Waiting for a scan in October that will hopefully show me clear of cancer. The chemo was horrible.. the pain, the nausea, the small barely detectable changes to your body.. but yes, my husband surprised me by how he stuck by my side through all of this and continues to do so even now. We had 3 bad years of break-ups before last year, so it really did surprise me. I will look for this writer. Thanks for the referral!

[Hana Saemon]

He just reviewed this after you, so you can see him here. :)

I'm glad you've finished your chemo. It is really horrible. My partner is still undergoing chemo...well he had to take a break because another tumour emerged and he had to do a surgery for that, and the docs won't allow chemo after surgery (for good reasons of course). If the cancer doesnt kill, chemo probably would have done the job looking at how bad it is.

I guess through hardships, love flourish. You have a great husband. :)

[Ravyne Hawke]

I do wish you both well and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I have a little book I started while doing chemo with names of my mates at the hospital. I pray for all of them every night and I will add you to that list. I don't need details, God will know who is whom. *smiles*

[Hana Saemon]

You are lovely Lori! Thank you so much! I will keep you in my prayers too! Hope you will receive some good news in October. Take care! :)