Asteroid

the words speak for themselves. :)

Like an asteroid,

You fell into my life,

With a big bang,

In under an hour and five.

 

The first hello,

The first joke,

The first football game,

My walls went up in smokes.

 

The big bang,

The sudden burst of meteorite shower,

The confusion, the drama, the happiness,

The free fall from a high tower.

 

The thrill,

The surge of endorphins,

The adrenaline rush,

I’m finally living.

 

As with all happy stories,

And the butterflies in your gut,

They live only for a day.

And then they fall, along with my heart.

 

But your existence,

Redefined all my fears,

Happiness too,

Even if it brings tears.

 

You’ve brought love,

Even if you can’t stay,

Intertwined,

I know we will be okay.

 

Maybe not in this world,

And all its curse,

Us behind this wall,

Exiled from others.

 

The mask we put on,

The masquerade,

The smiles we fake,

An empty parade.

 

The Lord gives,

And He takes away.

But I have faith,

That you are here to stay.

 

And if the Lord decides,

Our journey together in this world has to end,

I will travel the world,

Your memories I’ll scatter across the vast lands.

 

I will love you,

Hold you and be your friend,

And there I will stay,

Right til the end.

 

Reviews

[Madison R. Forest]

''The big bang / The sudden burst of meteorite shower,''
Nice execution of the space theme. Towards the middle of the poem the mood switches from admiration and excitement to something more gloomy, I find it takes away a bit of the flow and consistency, while still being very well executed. You may have wanted to seperate the poem in two acts, each showing those perticular moods. A very nice read!
''I will travel the world, / Your memories I’ll scatter across the vast lands.'' ♥

[Erica D.]

I like the flow of this poem very much. Its message about how fleeting relationships can be, for whatever reasons, really rings true, but there is a certain hopeful sadness that tinges the words. "But your existence,Redefined all my fears,Happiness too,Even if it brings tears" was my favorite stanza bc although we are grateful for some things, they can still cause us great pain. Truly complex emotions being discussed in this poem. I notice though the celestial and asteroid imagery is not ended with, which is sometimes nice to do bc it ties it all together. Overall I really like this though!

[DJ]

Beautiful expression of love, potential loss and life in this one. I love reading your work, you are truly talented. Please keep writing I'd love to read some more. There is so much I could say about this poem but truthfully it would just take away from the beauty of the words you expressed perfectly already. What a beautiful picture you paint of your love and your soul.

[Hana Saemon]

aww you're too nice. i just really write when i feel like it, and my partner made me feel like it. he is a beautiful soul and i hope i had portrayed it here somehow.

[Lydia Shutter]

Wonderful simile in this one....like an asteroid....the surging of emotion...the endorphins flowing...yes, the perfect simile here! Your writing is enthusiastic...and charismatic. Lydi**

[Hana Saemon]

Thank you lyd! The strength and overflow of emotions i had got me to write this. like ive said in the previous comment, sometimes, our world and lives are just better expressed in the written form. Got my notepad out and next thing i knew, i had this. thank you so much!

[Inspiring Writer]

Very Powerful, strong, beautiful and an incredible write. I just found your this write Incredible becoz of this stanza
And if the Lord decides,
Our journey together in this world has to end,
I will travel the world,
Your memories I’ll scatter across the vast lands.

This above stanza's very nice and Unbelievable to me, how you thought about that in such a nice way... in such a deep way. I loved this stanza and i 've saved your this write :) And the last stanza's too good...as a great ending. You've a great talent "Hana" (Nice name).. lol
AND one more thing, you've reminded me a movie that i'd watched a few years ago... :)
beautiful work "Hana" :)
you've to write some more new stuffs. I'm gonna read your some more writes right now :)

[Hana Saemon]

wow...thank you! i just really write as a hobby. im really glad you've enjoyed it. it means a lot to me. thank you so much!

[Inspiring Writer]

Your welcome!
What... lol , is that your Hobby.. lol !! Really!
Then i must gotta say, you've to write more dear, There's really no need to flourish your work, your hobby but you've to flourish your This Awesome Hobby to go more higher and higher touching the sky! :)
you're a great writer "Hana" ! :)

[Hana Saemon]

thank you!! :)