As i threw it into dustbin. The curse ended

The curse started with eyes and ends with eyes

. Ok mom , bye ,……… and I went towards airport .it is nearly 40 km away fro my home and I had to take public transport . Am I missing home 10 minutes after leaving ? The question is repeating in my mind. But I am not.. Then why is this so , no glow on face , no happiness, dry lips , etc?. I am standing at bus stop waiting for any cab or traveler and after few minutes an 8seater cab came and I am in. Luckily I got window seat . I always prefer window seat because I don’t want to look at people sitting in bus or other vehicles talking to each other, laughing and all that . I hate this . Looking through window into Greenfields, apple orchards , river and other cars overtaking etc. Thinking why is it like I’m unhappy? And then I thought it is because I left home un expectedly and I didn’t met my friends.
Mobile network is banned and I can’t use Facebook and Instagram to kill time and nobody in cab seemed to me the person I can talk. Other people in cab were discussing different topics, I guess politics. To me it was just a noise. After all I reached airport.
At airport gate i felt need cigarette, so i went to shop.
Bro one cigarette please” I said to shop keeper before entering
“Which one sir” he said
“Any one you like” I replied
He gave a cigarette and I asked “how much” “just 20 rupees sir” he replied and I gave him 20 rupees and pick up the lighter which was hanged with a chain and lit my cigarette
Sigh!
While smoking I thought the sadness is because of goodbyes, maybe I didn’t wanted to leave my village, maybe I nolonger want to live within strangers.
Flow of thoughts came and vanished of its own but my own mind and body still unhappy. Like a businessman who lost everything and is now leaving city with nothing.
After finishing cigarette , now i walked towards airport gate.
Sir your ticket please asked the cop at gate , as I showed my ticket he allowed me in and I go through all formalities of checking and boarding. At boarding counter a lady told me sir please keep you luggage here and you go this way towards waiting room. Ok thanks I replied and went towards waiting area and took a seat at corner where there was nobody in nearby seats. As I sit in bench I removed my backpack from shoulders and put it on my lap. Suddenly I remembered I had some pdf books of poetry and novels and I removed my phone from pocket and was searching which one should I read now because I have wait for almost one and a half hour for sitting in flight.
Searching here and there for best book I opened a WhatsApp folder , then images ,then sent images and started looking at photos I had sent to friends, parents etc. through WhatsApp. Photos of me, clothes, shoes, notes ,biryani and I’m scrolling down without opening any image and suddenly I stopped at image of bottle and eyes merged and I opened this image, four lines were written on it in Urdu language, it was poetry.
Nasha zaroori hai zindagi k liya
Par sharab he kyu khudkushi k liya
Kisi ki mast aankho ma doob ja saqi
Bada haseen samander hai khudkushi k liya
Translation….
Addiction is important for life. dear,
Why only alcohol for suicide?
Into someone’s beautiful eyes immerse, Dear
Big beautiful sea it is. For suicide dear
…………………… Sigh ……………..
I turned off my phone and started thinking but I don’t know what?
A question stuck my mind, why did I opened images when I was searching for books? ….. almost 15 minutes earlier I sat here on bench and now I know someone was sitting beside me and I remember when I sat here nobody was sitting here. Was i lost in poetry or something else?
“Hello” the boy said
“Hi” I replied
“Going Delhi” he asked
I moved my head in yes
“Can you please share that image, I mean please send me that image” he said smilingly
“Which image” I replied in shock
“The one you were looking at for a while” he
“Oh yes. Sure” and inserted my hand into pocket of jeans and removed my phone and was again searching for same image
“can I ask you some thing” he said
“Yes. Please” I replied without looking at him.
“Are you missing some one? ” he asked
“N n n, no” I said and asked him to open Bluetooth.
“Here it goes on, now scan for new devices” he said and then
“This one is mine” he said and clicked on it by himself, The image was transferring. Suddenly with angry face'n'voice he said “ we are living in age of technology but we can’t access internet…. Oh God….this is ......! "
I ignored and started using phone again and opened gallery. while scrolling pictures i saw a picture of sketch of eyes I made for a girl who was my classmate and I like her, i mean my crush but my good friend ,SARAH
The picture bring me a cyclone of memories of her
MEMORIES (in short but from begining)
In senior school we were classmates. I was shy type of guy who don’t use to talk to girls. When I used to talk to a girl I would get blushed and can’t talk properly at first. But Sarah was kind, humble and friendly. I don’t know when I started to like her inside. After finishing first year in senior school we were seniors, thus we would not have to attend lectures daily and I thought I shall express my love to her, as she had told me she had a breakup last month my confidence was boosted and I thought she would accept me because of jealous if not love. Well I didn’t happen but we became good friends from then till now. She used to tell me about her life, her family. She love her dad more than any thing else in world. I knew about her almost everything.
Her first breakup
When she in junior school, a boy told her he likes her and then they were in love. Everything was going well as she dreamed. She told me no filmy scene happened to her, like in dreams they were not singing in fairy meadows of gulmarg or pahalgam, she would feel thirst and hunger but life was like perfect in terms of happiness and fun.
Neither do she told about romance nor do I asked about.
After 3 months of this love relationship a girl called her and told that William was her boyfriend and they are in relation from one and half year. So a breakup. She told me after the incidence she was broken and she decided she would not trust so easily or she would never a man.
I inside somewhere was feeling bad about this.
Second breakup
We were in senior school but we were not friends yet. A engineering student used to follow her from nearly a month. She slowly starting liking her and again she was in love. She showed me his pics and he was handsome. She said she loved him truly but again I don’t know why he left her after 5 months relation with a note “forgive me if you can…….please” . This time I could see she was broken again but I was happy maybe.
After two breakups of Sarah.
Within a month after her breakup, we were talking to each other in school and On phone and WhatsApp. Now I decided to say her that I love her so much . I thought I won her trust and she will accept and we will be in relation. I was happy but afraid too, what if she rejected, what if will say I love you too but as friend, look we are friends and we will be for forever like most of guys get to hear from a girls . Next many morning of mine started by one thought should I or I shouldn’t? . I was afraid of hearing no so I decided no face to face thus WhatsApp is only option. One day I opened my phone and typed a long filmy message like I feel like you are the one my heart beats for, I like you and love you so much, I can’t live without you and so much. Then I cleared every thing and typed “hello” and she replied after few minutes “hi , how r u doing”
I replied “good and you” next message “ I want to talk to you now”
“You are” she replied back
“Yes, I want to say I love you”
She “I hate this s**t, the love word should get cancer , it hurts my ears when I hear it and when I read it hurts my eyes , please stop this”
“Look I don’t want to get in a relation again, I’m not rejecting you but I hate this all now”
As I read these messages I took a deep breath and closed my phone.
Next day we were again chatting like earlier but I was disappointed . This was. Going on for long time more than a year.
We passed senior school , I went to Delhi for bachelors degree and opted some diploma. We used to chat on WhatsApp even when I was not in everland . One night it was exactly 1:30 am, I was sleeping in hostel, she called…..
I pick the call “hello”
“How are you” she said
“ fine, and you” me
“ fine , what’s up” she
“ Nothing, anyways why did you called this time” me
“missing you” she
“Me too” I said softly
“Do you remember James, your friend” she said
I replied yes, what happened to him
“Did he ever told you something about me or he told you to forward me any message etc. ” she said loudly
“No, or maybe I don’t remember” I said
I was shocked why is she asking about him this time, almost one year and eight months after we left school. James was also in same school but has different subjects and was friend too.
She asked “try to remember please. It is important”
“ I didn’t really. Ok” I responded and asked again “give me hint”
She told “ had he told you that he likes me and want to be in relation with me”
“ Aaah . Maybe he told me once but I thought he was kidding” I responded
“Ok. But why didn’t you told me that time. Do you know how much he like me” she said sadly as well as angrily.
“Sorry. I thought he was kidding” I said softly.
“ you know he proposed me and he is serious,” now she was happy.
“ O! That is good” I said. I was broken, but had say it.
After this we talked for sometime maybe an hour or more, she told me about her another breakup and chatting with James and so on. Suddenly she sensed I was not happy and asked “do you still love me?” and I replied maybe more than I loved you during school days. Again sadness filled both voices and told “ you know I also love you so much but” and stopped and I replied “ but….what? . But I’m ugly. Right?.
She tried to convince me that I’m not and face and physique was not reason of rejecting me and all s**t and most important she wept, I don’t know whether she facked or she was seriously weeping. And she again asked a question which she already has asked 100 times. What you like most in me? And I again answered your eyes. Again we were talking about past and finally I told her I’m feeling sleepy and I need to sleep now because tomorrow I has to attend some important lectures in university. She agreed and we disconnect the call and maybe she may have slept that night but I didn’t. Whole night was wasted in thinking about her . Next day I went university and every thing was normal within two or three days. Now she used to call me anytime almost four or five times a week and she also sent me her pics and videos that would kill me inside. Maybe this is love as i think this girl i love most is someone elses girlfriend.
One day I was watching her video made of her pics and background music. I saw a photo of her eyes and I captured screenshot of it and was looking at it for long time. I was lost in memories again. Her eyes….God! Are too beautiful. Those big eyes with lot of kajal are really beautiful to everyone or maybe to me only…..I don’t know. I decided I will make sketch of her eyes and will gift it when I will go Everland city in summer vocations.
Exactly 6 months and 7 days after making the sketch I finished my exams and came to everland. I was at my home in village with my parents and was missing her. Every day I wished I could go city and met her. It was august first and internet was banned temporarily in my district for some reasons, I thought it will be restored after few days again ,it didn’t happened but internet as well as other means of communication were banned on 4 august now and in whole state now for preventing rumor spread and to maintain law and order. Few days later parents told me to go and reside in uncles house which in in city and only my cousin was there.
In city Everland city my uncle's home is 1km away from the company where Sarah was working and I was happy with that. Every evening I used to walk around the company hoping I might see her leaving office and I could talk. I couldn’t trace her but her fellow workers had saw me and they had told her that I was there few time. I knew many people working there who were my classmates and schoolmates.

One day Again I was at back side of company where a guy and a girl suddenly came in front of me and said “ Hello” . I was surprised and we shake hands, sat at side of road and started talking about this and that, of here and there. I asked them about their jobs and they asked about my university etc. And the guy said “ hey. Do you know. Sarah was waiting for you.” “ Me? You mean she know I’m here in Everland city ?”.
“yes. Also she ordered us to tell you that please come at 9am in morning and meet her.” He told.
“Ok I will try, actually I wakeup at 11am in morning”. I told him.
After few minutes we left, I went home ,thinking why she want to met me. After two days I again went towards her company in the evening and two girls stopped me and told me that they were my schoolmates and also told about Sarah and her restlessness to meet me, this time my cousin was with me and next day he forced me to go to Sarah’s company in the morning. Now I can’t hide about Sarah and why was I saying I’m bored every evening and why did I come for a walk to this particular road.
Morning 11am Tuesday and I was standing at reception in Sarah’s company asking for her, and I was told to wait till noon, all my patience was lost when I saw it was 12: 45pm in afternoon and she had not come out of her office, so I requested the peon to inform her that I’m waiting from more than one and half an hour. The peon came back quickly with answer that she is busy till 4pm. I went back home with upset as well as angry face. Had lunch and a short nap and then again I was forced to go and meet her, both by heart and cousin.
Again I was standing at same reception counter asking same girl about same girl as I asked in morning. This time was wearing white t-shirt and loose jeans. The receptionist again asked me to wait for few minutes and this time she came out of that blue building. Within minutes we were sitting on a bench in front that blue building .
We talked for more than a hour, this meeting was like interview where she was asking questions and I was answering her questions without looking into her eyes . This time I didn’t asked her if she has any boyfriend or anything personal. She asked me why was I not like I used to be, like asking questions and flirting. She told me that she is tiered of fake boyfriends who only pretend to love and betrays unexpectedly and I responded to this by saying maybe you didn’t give space to a true lover in your life. She said you mean you love me truly and still. I responded maybe. She then said but you told me you like and I replied maybe be hundred times or more, that too from almost 3years now. After few minutes of more talking she again told me to come again tomorrow or day after and with sketch too. Now I left and went home with a packet of cigarrete and a plan that day after tomorrow I shall propose her again. I thought she also want me to propose her again.
That night I was only thinking of her and her and her. I sometime imagine her as my girlfriend and we on a romantic date and sometime I listening to her singing voice and much more. Next day was happy day. Late night while I was trying to sleep I was again lost in imagination but this time it was probably how in reality Itwould have been if I had proposed her again. This time first I thought the girl who ignored my love for such a long time how would she fall in love with me if I propose her again. Then I remember that she has been looking for me while she didn’t know I was in Everland city or in village and also I saw love in her eyes for me now. My heart was forcing me to accept that she was longing for me but mind was totally opposite. Laying on bed I was fighting a war with me . I don’t know what to do now. I was confused . So I forgot both thing
From then neither do I think about her nor do I walked towards that road leading to company where Sarah was working
Today when I am leaving Everland city and my village again for a year or more like I earlier did, then why am I thinking of her? Am I doing wrong leaving without telling her or leaving her and not giving her that sketch which I made for her of her eyes . Damn. Again confusion. I think heart always find love. I remember how she was looking at me, she was spitting love for me from eyes , like she was longing for me from long period and now her eyes saying don't go again, don't leave... My heart tried to tell me this. But mind have different plans, it always thinks of facts and science. My mind was and is busy in telling me it was just illusion.

Anyways, if I propose her again and if she accept. Will I be happy all my life. Lets suppose we are in relationship now but it will be like she love me because of her sympathy . I will be her sympathy not love and I will be poor slave and beggar in her eyes. And I don’t want that. It should be love not mercy.
As here in airport final announcement is made and passengers are moving towards gate where an employ will look at their barding cards and cut a portion of it. I stood up and started moving and suddenly I remembered the sketch is in my bag, so I opened my bag and removed the sketch out. I thought I should through it but instead I was staring at it like I has been longing for it from years, may be a tear drop may have come out.
While i was staring at sketch i was squeezing my heart and removing all the love of sarah from it.
Next movement i threw this sketch into dustbin with its envelop. I moved few steps forword and looked back at this envelop and i was like this envelop contain my love, feelings , caring and dreams of sarah with the sketch of sarahs eye's
And i moved towards gate, completing all formalities and now i'm sitting on flight.

The feeling of being free filled my heart. Like the curse ended . Like I was freed from lifetime imprisonment. It was both curse and imprisonment for me to love her even when she loves many others but only not me. Lets find a new sarah now �'�️

Author's Note

Please ignore grammar problems.

Reviews

[rmarrwrites]

For your image, I found that if I added one to a google document and scaled it down, then right-clicked and selected "download," I could upload one successfully. I'm not sure what the image size limit is, but that's definitely something you could try.

[Sauti_Ukweli]

Commendations:
From the standpoint of content, I really enjoyed how you built up the anticipation. As the main character was walking toward the airport gate, I could sense his nervousness, and anticipation. As the action progressed, I felt as though he was bewildered, or perplexed as to various things that many would wonder about when they have a "love interest" in mind. At the end, I could feel the burden leaving him through your descriptions.

Recommendations:

Try adding in more descriptions. Example "I'm ugly right?" Try "I get it, I'm ugly because I don't have .... right?" This will help your reader create more of a mental picture of what is transpiring.