The Untitled Poem

One bright, sunny, hopeful day,

A young and joyful girl looked up to the sky

"One day, I will experience true, pure love!"

She said, with an excited grin on her face.

Nothing could stop the happiness from washing over her

As she closed her eyes and dreamed of the future

One chilly, foggy, autumn day,

A boy named Alex laid his eyes on her

He never believed in love, but now it stared right at him.

"I will always be here for you," he said, with a kiss

Nothing could stop the disappointment from hitting her

As she left his empty house without any closure.

One cold, icy, winter day,

A guy named Jake served her coffee in a diner.

When she finished the cup, there was a note at the bottom.

"I will keep you safe and sound," he said, as he led her to his bed.

Nothing could stop the depression from hitting her

As she cried in her room because she wasn't pure.

One warm, cloudy, spring day.

Her neighbor Max came over to talk to her.

After he ended the heartfelt confession, she kissed him.

"I will promise to never hurt you," he said, as he left.

Nothing could stop the numbness from hitting her

As she slapped him in front of the girl on his furniture.

One hot, beautiful, summer day,

The once hopeful and caring girl pulled out a blade.

"I cannot feel a single damn thing anymore"

She said angrily, with no expression whatsoever.

Absolutely nothing could stop the blade from slicing her

As she shut her eyes and ended the torture.

Author's Note

Probably one of my favorites that I've written. If anyone can think of an appropriate title, PLEASE let me know! It has been untitled for over a year now.

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

Trust makes us vulnerable and when it is broken it numbs us to the world. I love love love how you used the change in seasons to introduce each new male but it was on a summer day, not the dead of winter, that you longed to feel something anything at all. It is more painful, I think, when one is surrounded by beauty and cannot find joy in it. Other seasons cocoon us away but summer opens us to endless possibilities. I think this poem is absolutely stunning and I look forward to reading more of your work. I don't know of a title but I feel trust was used as a knife to fillet innocence and in the end the girl decided to just to the job herself.

[Haley Wilson]

That's exactly what I was aiming for haha. Thank you! Xoxo

[Nitesh Mahabal]

The Cycle Of Love Indeed. Keep Hurting Keep Loving. Great Work indeed Maam. Liked It

[jacob erin-cilberto]

title "The Future is Never Now"

wow, i had this idea of love when i was younger, the whole happily ever after thing, which i thought meant forever....and i got promises....three ex wives later---i can hardly feel a thing myself...

we belive in, we trust in, and then we rust in the love that gets rained on over and over again.

[KeeD]

This was gut wrenching, I felt every underlining moment of her life flash before my eyes. Every encounter, the seasons didn't feel warm or cold anymore.. everything felt like it was on repeat in her shoes, every emotion somehow got a second shade of blue. I really felt like I held the blade for her assistance because after seeing her life from such a distance I was heartbroken and frankly through.. How does one save a girl who's been through the dumps and her heart no longer pumps the will to love, to survive. I honestly don't think i'd want to be alive myself and so she and I share that emotion. The girl in the poem speaks to me personally. Great write, tragic but full of impact.

[Haley Wilson]

Wow thank you!! :D

[Jack Wolfe]

An interesting little tale; It’s sad this sometimes becomes reality. A story about the escalation of depression through the seasons--a good way to structure this. This may speak of love, but it really speaks of depression . . . it never just hits, instead it builds, sometimes it small kindling thrown on top other times, larger pieces of timber, and eventually it will engulf you (like this girl) in an inferno, until you are but a smoldering ash pile. I could offer a few titles, e.g. A Season of Descent, but my titles won’t reflect what the poem/story means to you

[Haley Wilson]

I'd be interested in them anyways!

[DoormanDan]

This is a great poem! I did NOT see the dark twist at the end coming! I think you should keep the title "The Untitled Poem" because it feeds curiosity. people will click on it, wanting to know what it is, and then they will be GLAD they click on it! Great job!

[Haley Wilson]

Pretty good idea actually! I always have loved keeping people in suspense.

[Pryde Foltz]

Fantastic story telling in this poem. That is where for poetry but very welcomed when demonstrated. Yes … we women are told to open our hearts to men … that they might fill them and we will be complete. There is much companionship and love to be gained from romantic relationships. But most do not last a lifetime and if we look for them to make us feel fulfilled we will be left bereft. Again excellent penning.

[Haley Wilson]

Thank you, doll :)

[krystle]

this is disturbingly lovely, I enjoyed reading it very much, Maybe a good title would be "what closing eyes can do to a person"

[RileyRedding]

Wow that was twisted. I enjoyed the way it built up to its conclusion. The beginning sounds almost naive in purity, but ends with what seems like an anchor weight that finally just drags her under. Keep up the great work!

[Haley Wilson]

Thank you!! I wrote this when I was in a very dark place.. figuratively of course.