I Realized I Can't Breathe and Can't Count to Five

This poem is about when I was diagnosed with EoE. I had to take 3 different steroids at high dosages. Being about 11, my body didn't know how to react. Those pills made me almost bipolar. I am better.

Everybody has felt the sickness of anger

Anger can start out small, maybe unnoticed

But then, there is a spark.

This spark follows the fuse until you hit the dynamite.

You explode.

We don’t always know how to deal with this anger.

Maybe you take a breath and count to five.

Or maybe you get to the breaking point of being mad and you strike.

You strike like a hungry serpent.

Not everyone can breathe and count to five.

I realized I can’t breathe and can’t count to five

When I got into the car with my mom.

We both were stunned,

The doctor told us some pretty bad news.

That day wasn’t much fun.

They told me I have an eating disease,

The list went on and on.

I realized I can’t breathe and can’t count to five

When pill after pill after pill I had to take

My brain not knowing how to cooperate.

I was angry

I was sad

I was everything

My emotions were mixed

I was set off by little things

I realized I can’t breathe and can’t count to five

When I was yelling and screaming at my parents.

Tears rushed down my face

I was lost

I realized I can’t breathe and can’t count to five

When I heard my brother, sister crying

“What happened to her?” They would ask my mom

Not knowing the mistakes I was making

I thought I was right.

I was just angry,

I was a storm.

I can now breathe and count to five,

But learning to breathe takes time.

Author's Note

This is a slam poem.