Chapter One

''This is a hard ambition,'' I said quietly. Jason glanced up at me, not trying to hide his silent tears.
''We can do it.'' he said, stuffing my mother's diary page in his denim jeans pocket.
''Not alone,'' I argued. The war with Enkou has been going on for months now. They've gotten half of Jadah conquered. I just wish we would have found mother's diary page sooner, she died six months ago of old age.
Jason flicked his pale blue hair away from his black dilated eyes. He put his soft hand on my shoulder. It was nice to have someone who wasn't affected by my icy appearance. I have neon waist-length hair that flowed easily. My eyes were also a vicious blue. My skin is solid white, no more, no less. Ringlets with a bluish tint to them wrapped around my upper arms. I wore an above knee-length blue dress, that matched my hair color perfectly.
''I'll contact the Void clan somehow, and we'll ally with them.'' Jason said, removing his hand from my shoulder.

[more soon]

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[BP Barwick]

Watch out for tense shifting.

"''Not alone,'' I argued. The war with Enkou has been going on for months now. They've gotten half of Jadah conquered."

Right before there you were in past tense, then shifted to present during the quote. Afterward, you shifted back t past tense. Easy mistake to make.