Vanity

I don't know what to say.

Both of us were 17 and both of us were boys.

 

I knocked the door and he opened for me. He smiled and I went in. it felt so strange to hold his hand and say hello. I did not want to leave it.

 

Tarek, his relative, was playing ps at the sofa. He sat beside him and I sat in front of them.

 

The time passed with me nourishing my vain character by speaking about how my countertenor voice works and the meaning of opera arias. Actually, I knew nothing about music and nothing about vocals. I was just harnessing their ignorance and feeding my ego. I know what you would think of me, a jerk.  But please, do not. I just could not control it.

 

Tarek left and he walked back to me whispering my nickname.

 

“I know that you don’t like him. But he wanted to play ps with me, sorry.”

 

I shrugged and smiled, bringing my knees nearer to my chest. “It’s ok.”

 

He bowed towards me and brought out a black cellular. “Dad bought it for my birthday. I didn’t tell Tarek.”

 

I held it and turned it in my hands, smiling at it with wide eyes. “It’s beautiful. I love it.”

 

We went into the balcony and after opening the laptop, I started showing him so opera videos. He pretended to be interested but I could see in his eyes that he was just trying not to make me sad.

 

The laptop went out. He kissed it gently. The soft whisper of his lips over the laptop made me shiver. Why couldn’t he kiss me so softly?  I knew why, he would never love me the way I do. I would always remain alone for no one would love me. I would live in the darkness of my words, filling the gaps with some fake smiles. I would die alone and, hopefully, I would go to heaven alone.