The Flower I Set on Fire

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

Her hand rests in my palm.

 

Her fingers slip away.

 

I hold her in my heart.

 

Her loss racks my brain.

 

I hold her in my arms;

Feel her wince at the cold.

 

I stand still as she leaves;

And I’m all on my own.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

She touches my lips

The frostbite starts snaking in.

 

I’m swallowed up by my thoughts

Of what could have been.

 

She lets down her walls

And dares to come close,

Not knowing how I hurt

All those I love the most.

 

I’m broken and lonely

And don’t even know how�"

Am I dependant or empty?

I can’t really find out.

 

She allows me to hurt her

And trusts that I won’t,

But it seems I can’t choose

If I do or I don’t.

Someone’s heart always breaks�"

Either hers or my own�"

But it’d at least just be me,

If I’d left her alone.

 

I’ve spent so much time searching

To love someone else,

I’m numb to the hunger

Eating away at myself,

And my search has now ended

With an answer to tell,

So there’s no more distraction

From how high up I fell.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

I’m so used to keeping

The scars that I’ve earned,

But to love is to share;

The tables have turned.

I don’t know how to do this,

I’m too stupid to learn,

And each wrong wire cut

Is a heartstring I’ve burned.

 

There’s not a person who loves me

The way I love them.

It’s getting repetitive;

It’s time for an end.

That’s proof I need help.

I just can’t comprehend

How to keep myself

In one piece until then.

 

All the pain getting heavier

On her every day

Doesn’t take long to turn into

Something she can’t take.

Maybe she’s not�"and I’m not�"

Counting my mistakes,

But something is. And it doesn’t

Take long to fade.

 

Then one day, she discovers

The starvation I hide,

Covers a wound long bled out,

And shatters inside.

When at last, I find out

I wasn’t alone all this time,

She wants to love a friend

But she’s too broken to try.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

She loves me.

 

She loves me not.

 

Whether she does or she doesn’t,

It doesn’t matter anyway.

 

For someone like me,

It all ends in pain.

 

So before the last petal’s plucked,

Feed the f****r to the flames.