JESUS MARY JOSEPH F*****G AHHHHHH

A poem about internal conflict.

If bad things are things that hurt people

And doing bad things makes you a bad person,

Then I am a monster,

And I am a sadist,

And a villain of the highest degree.

Because no one else has hurt so many I love

And no one else has done it so easily.

 

I cut myself open

And bleed my emotions

But the blood that spills from me burns,

And that venom can never

Touch her; I won’t let the�"

 

But isn’t she cute though?

 

To love someone is to let down your walls

And trust they won’t attack,

But my demons strike against my skin

And it hurts too much to hold them back.

Hurting people is all I’ve ever known;

I can’t lie and say that I’ve changed

And everyone I’ve ever loved�"

 

Remember her smile? She has the most wonderful

smile in the world, I�"

 

To give someone my heart is a crime,

Because the sharpness of the edges and

The poison that drips from the cracks

Are a burden no one deserves to bear but me:

The sickly, black, and shrivelled thing

I try to call a heart�"

 

But her laugh; it’s the best sound ever,

The whole room lights up when she laughs�"

 

The only reason she calls me her friend

Is she doesn’t know who I really am

And she can’t name all the s**t I’ve done

And see what a mess of a person I’ve become;

Opening up and letting down my walls

Would be the worst�"

 

She gives the best hugs in the whole world;

It’s impossible to be sad when she hugs me

Because she makes me really happy�"

 

I promised myself I’d never hurt her,

But I’ve already hurt everyone who cares about me,

So if the only way to keep my promise

Is to never let someone care for me,

Then the pain of�"

 

She’s the cutest girl in the whole world;

I want to go on walks and hold her hand

And play her pretty songs

And tell her how lovely she is�"

 

I don’t deserve her;

That’s an objective truth based on

The claw marks on the inside

Of my chest�"

 

And we could go on picnics

And cuddle in bed and watch movies

And it’d be the best thing ever!

She’s so funny and smart and talented

And there’s no one else in the world like her�"

 

Happiness is no longer an option.

The rest of my life is keeping the demons inside

So they never infect anyone else.

That’s the life I chose to live

When I decided to let them out the first time�"

 

And she gives me happy, fluttery, butterfly feelings

In my tummy whenever I see her

And I just want to love her

And let her know I love her

Because she makes me really really really really happy�"

 

She deserves someone so much better than me�"

 

She has the prettiest eyes ever�"

 

I could never hurt her like�"

 

She’s really really lovely�"

 

You f*****g�"

 

And I love her. :)