Chapter Nine

The doorbell of Fay’s house rung, and it seemed like it echoed around forever. Fay winced when she heard it and didn’t move until there was silence again. She could almost sense him on the other side with his forehead pressed against the wood of the door and his hands shaking. The thought seeping in her head was that if she didn't let him tell her that he wanted to break up, they wouldn't. The doorbell didn't ring again, but she knew he was still there. She knew him too well.

Going up the stairs to the doorway, time didn't freeze like she thought it would. She just wanted everything to be over. She could take as long as she wanted to, but he would wait for her. He always did. It was going to happen. The metal handle felt like ice when she opened the door.

“Hi, Fay.” Edward's voice was soft and hoarse, even through his attempt to hide it. He was wearing the same set of clothes from that morning, but there were already purple bags under his eyes. Outside, the sun was starting to set and the wind was coming back, just strong enough to be there. It was hard to see his face with the red sky behind it, but she could see enough. He looked ruined.

“So,” she sighed. She didn't expect to tremble as much as she did. “What did you think about?”

His eyes locked onto hers and he took a deep breath out as if to prolong the moment. “I think you know.”

She swallowed the lump of emotion caught in her throat. “So was I right? Leaving really wasn’t just about the scholarship?”

He looked down. “What do you think?”

“So we're done? We just try to forget each other?”

“I couldn't forget you even if I tried.” Edward shook his head. “This is unhealthy for me, and I can see in your eyes�"it’s unhealthy for you. Tomorrow, I'm moving into Scott's apartment downtown. It's close to a law school program, so that'll be good for me.”

Fay closed her eyes. Tears were swelling up, but she refused to let them out in front of him. “Will I ever see you again?”

“I'll come back once in a while to visit my mother�"”

“You know that's not what I meant.”

Edward tried to speak, but all he made was a gasping noise, choking on the lump in his throat. Fay looked to him to see a tear drip down his cheek. Her body ached for Edward’s arms around it, but she knew he wouldn’t like it. He was lost to her. “I really don't know about us. I hope that we’ll be okay, but I don't know. I love you, Fay.”

“I�"” Fay caught the words in midair right in front of his face and brought them back to herself. She could feel how it was going to sound, and she didn't want to be trembling and crying the last time she said that. With a sharp breath in, she tried again, “I love you, Ed.”

“I love you, Fay.” He whispered it one more time. He just needed to feel it on his lips one more time. With that done, Edward shut his eyes and turned around. Fay was still staring at the doorway by her side. She refused to let herself watch him walk away.