Chapter Six

Fay had been told on the package to wait five to ten minutes. She had been checking every couple of seconds, pacing back and forth between her kitchen and her bathroom. She thought that if she did, it wouldn't worry her parents to much, not that she told them she had bought the test. They were down the stairs filing papers and trying to convince the debt vultures not to take the house. That was all they ever did. Those days, it almost seemed like Fay lived in her department store uniform, sowing pennies with her footsteps while mountains were being taken away from her family every day. But she couldn’t let herself worry about that at the moment. The test results were supposed to have been ready ten minutes ago. Fay was just waiting, praying that if she waited a bit longer, maybe something would change.

She went to her bathroom, silently telling herself that it would be the last time she went before it was decided. She locked the door behind her and bent over the counter, resting her elbows on the countertop and her face in her hands. When she decided that she was ready, she set aside the clear plastic cup that she had washed twenty times inside of five minutes out of anxiety and picked up the pink testing stick that was lying on a towel near the shower. Nothing had changed.

Fay resigned, clasping her hand over her mouth�"half to keep herself from crying and half to keep herself standing up. It was decided. She stopped by her bedroom to grab a jacket off her bed before running down the stairs and heading out the front door to Edward's house.

The metal of her doorknob felt like burning tongs. It was the middle of summer, and there wasn’t any wind to help relieve the burning that she felt the moment she stepped into the sunlight. She had her own key to Edward’s house�"one with her name engraved on it. She was practically a member of the family, so Edward gave her the key for her thirteenth birthday. She didn't feel like it was right to make anyone inside have to open the door for her anyway.

It was strange how quiet the house was. Any other day, Edward would be in his bedroom playing video games and the sound of pixelated explosions would make it hard to be upset, or he would be playing his piano and waiting for her to come in and attempt to sing along. Fay passed a bedroom with the door cracked open, peering inside for a split second to see Edward’s mother swaying drunkenly on her bed and pouring alcohol into a glass beer mug. The two made eye contact for a moment before Fay walked off in the opposite direction without a word. Fay finally found Edward sitting in the doorway of his father's old bedroom, just staring into it.

The lights were off, and the bed was unmade. After all, it hadn’t been slept in recently. She put a hand on his back as lightly as she could, trying not to surprise him. “How long have you been sitting here?” she asked, dropping her jacket down on the floor.

No response. Fay sighed and sat down next to him, crossing her legs. She didn't look at him. She just stared out into the room like he was doing.

“Have you eaten or slept at all recently?”

He choked out a sound that Fay guessed was a yes.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”

She almost choked on the spit in her throat in shock from how quickly Edward turned to her and hugged her. Once she realized and calmed down, she hugged him back. He didn’t say anything for what seemed like forever, and Fay felt one of his tears drip down onto her shoulder and wet the fabric.

“The only two people who ever really cared about me were you and my dad,” he said. He had to try a few times before making his first word recognizable. He hadn’t said a word in the past few days. His voice was trembling like it was about to shatter. “I miss him so much.”

“I know,” Fay said. “It’s terrible. I’m here for you.”

“How’s my mother?”

“She’s in her room. She’s fine. I’m worried about you, Ed. Do you want to stay at my house for a few days?”

She felt Edward let go of her. She let him sit back up and wipe the tears off his face with his sleeve. He took a deep breath in, shaking as he did. His voice was clear, but quiet. “I’ve had a lot of time to think this over.”

“Tell me anything.”

He paused, closing his eyes. “Remember when I said I had no idea how to be okay anymore?”

She nodded.

“I think I’ve realized the only way to be okay. My father wanted me to be a lawyer so I could help people and do what was right. That was his wish for me. I think the only way for me to be okay is to do that for him, and the only way to do that is to go to Morny.”

Fay didn’t realize, but she was swaying back and forth. She was about to collapse. She felt her heart slowly sag from her chest into her stomach, hitting everything along the way. “I want to come with you�"”

“But you can’t. Your parents need you more than I do right now. I’m so sorry. I just don’t know how else to deal with this right now. It’s a three-year scholarship, so I’ll be back when it’s over. Fay, I’ve known you my entire life. Three years apart isn’t going to make me forget how much I love you. Not by a long shot.”

Fay drew all the strength she had into not letting the screaming voice out from her chest. Her eyes screwed shut and her mouth shut to deny that voice any way of getting into the world. She didn’t realize she was recoiling, which made Edward worry about her, and that was the last thing she wanted for him to deal with. As quickly as she could�"too quickly, she thought�"she sat back up and sighed, “I love you. I want you to be happy. I understand. Go to Morny.”

“I’ll miss you every second.”

“No, don’t.” Fay said. “Be happy. I’ll be waiting right here when you get back.”

Edward nodded and brought a hand up to stroke her hair. He leaned forward and gave her a long kiss on the lips, wetting her face with his tears. She put the cold palm of her hand against his cheek, savoring how he felt. Sooner than she ever wanted, he started to stand up and go to his bedroom. He didn’t look back at her.

Fay just sat there, frozen for a moment. The back of her head hit the door frame with a loud knock through the house. Her hand went to her cheek, still feeling his tears still there. With her fingers wet, she lifted the bottom of her tank top with her other hand and touched her stomach where she guessed the fetus was lying. Swaying backwards, she had to lean against the doorway to keep herself sitting up. That screeching why that rumbled in her chest hurt too much.