The Mystery of the Queen's Guard

For that Writing Process class we had to do another story. The words: biology, diabolical, and juvenile Fiennes is pronounced Fines

Rafe Brockton was a born prankster in Surrey, England.  He was a sophomore in high school and was always fascinated by Buckingham Palace’s history.  His friend Nigel Fiennes was also a prankster.  They constantly pulled pranks in school, like egging the school and unscrewing a teacher’s chair.  Their parents worked in the same department store and at the same time so they were really good friends.  Their dads, Clinton Brockton and Bono Fiennes, attended the same school as Rafe and Nigel and were notorious pranksters at their school, so it was critical to have the family legacy going.  It has been said in England that it is IMPOSSIBLE to make the Queen’s Guards at Buckingham Palace move.  Nothing was impossible when it came to Rafe and Nigel.  

During Biology class, Rafe and Nigel came up with a really diabolical plan.  “Dude, wouldn’t it be wicked if we could make one of those Queen’s Guards people move?!” Rafe asked.  Nigel said in reply, “I don’t know, man.  That’s risking time in the slammer.” Rafe didn’t care the least bit.  They planned to leave Nigel’s house around ten o’clock at night, when no one would notice.  

At ten they met at St. James Park.  From there they sneaked towards the guards with their equipment.  The first attempt to make the guards move was to flash a laser in their eyes.  How they resisted it, Rafe and Nigel would never know.  They threw the laser at them.  The second was to crack some jokes from comedians and comediennes.  One joke they told was by Jessica Kirson, “I’m always intimidated by English children because they all sound like they’re fifty-years-old.” Nigel thought, “Yeah right this is so not going to work.”  Their final attempts were their infamous pranks from school, graffiti on the walls, putting make-up (including manicures and pedicures) on teachers while they were sleeping in study hall, and egging and T.Ping the classroom.  And those are just what they did.  They started with the graffiti and took paint and scribbled all over their uniforms.  Nope, that didn’t work.  Next was the make-up.  They smothered their moms’ lipstick and eyeliner and eye shadow all over their faces.  After the make-up were the pedis and manis.  So, Brockton and Fiennes took their guns out of their hands, gloves off their hands, and shoes and socks off their feet.  By now the guards looked like drag queens.  Of course that didn’t work.  The very last shot was egging and T.Ping them.  The eggs and toilet paper rolls flew through the air and the make-up started to run down the guards’ faces.  Rafe and Nigel were cracking up.  NONE OF THOSE WORKED!!! The pranksters wanted to kill themselves and give up, so they walked away depressed.  

Rafe thought of a final way that always gets people to move.  “Nige! I just thought of one last thing we could do,” Rafe screamed.  Nigel asked what.  Rafe said that they could just stand there with Cheshire-cat-like smiles and stand in front of them and don’t move.  Nigel thought it was a genius idea.  The dynamic duo picked two guards and stood there for three hours holding their position.  The guards finally started to crack up.  Suddenly Rafe, Nigel, and the two guards, whose names happened to be Brigham and Wolfgang, spotted a little old lady walking out of the front of the palace.  The four of them freaked out.  Queen Elizabeth said, “Why are you two moving? You are FIRED!  As for you two boys, I’ll have to contact your parents and send you to a Juvenile Detention Center for three months for making the guards move.”  Rafe and Nigel were bummed.

Three months passed and they were the laughing stock of the school.  The teens learned their lesson and never pulled another prank.  That’s what you think.  After the incident, Brigham Isaacs and Wolfgang Spall, the guards, became good friends with Rafe Brockton and Nigel Fiennes.